{"id":188,"date":"2014-12-21T17:17:39","date_gmt":"2014-12-21T15:17:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=188"},"modified":"2014-12-21T17:17:39","modified_gmt":"2014-12-21T15:17:39","slug":"you-know-youve-been-on-aol-too-long-if","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=188","title":{"rendered":"You Know You&#8217;ve Been on AOL Too Long If&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Tech Support calls &quot;YOU&quot; for help.<\/li>\n<li>Someone at work tells you a joke and you say &quot;LOL&quot; out loud.<\/li>\n<li>You find yourself trying to cock your head 90 degrees when you smile.<\/li>\n<li>You have called out someone&#8217;s screen name while making love to your significant other.<\/li>\n<li>You keep begging your friends to get an account so &quot;we can hang out&quot;.<\/li>\n<li>Three words:  Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.<\/li>\n<li>If you are male and see a female in the &quot;Real&quot; world that you wish to meet, your first thought is to IM her.<\/li>\n<li>If you are female and you see a male in the &quot;Real&quot; world that you wish to meet, your first thought is that you wish he&#8217;d IM you.<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t understand the humor in the above mentioned #7 and #8 since the &quot;real&quot; world is at your fingertips.<\/li>\n<li>You have to get a 2nd phone line just so you can call Pizza Hut.<\/li>\n<li>When you have sex, you no longer are concerned about sexually transmitted diseases.<\/li>\n<li>You walk into a room, and, finding that it has more than 23 people, you inform management that there is an error.<\/li>\n<li>When looking at signs, you wonder why they are always &quot;yelling&quot; at you.<\/li>\n<li>You go up to people you are attracted to &quot;in real life&quot; and ask them for their GIF.<\/li>\n<li>Although you don&#8217;t know what they look like, you become insanely jealous of people hitting on your cyber-love.<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t even know what your cyber-love looks like.<\/li>\n<li>When at work, your boss constantly reminds you that the word i should be capitalized.<\/li>\n<li>You watch TV with the closed captioning turned on.<\/li>\n<li>Your spouse now complains of you moving your fingers in your sleep instead of talking.<\/li>\n<li>Your kids are eating cereal morning, noon, and night.<\/li>\n<li>When someone says, &quot;What did you say?&quot; you reply, &quot;Scroll up!&quot;<\/li>\n<li>You find yourself sneaking away to the computer in the middle of the night when your spouse is asleep.<\/li>\n<li>You turn down the lights &amp; close the blinds so people won&#8217;t know you&#8217;re on-line again.<\/li>\n<li>You know more about your AOL friends&#8217; daily routines than you do your own spouse&#8217;s.<\/li>\n<li>You find yourself lying to others about your time on-line &amp; when they complain that your phone was busy you claim it was off the hook.<\/li>\n<li>You have an identity crisis if someone is using a screen name close to your own.<\/li>\n<li>You would rather tell people that your bloodshot eyes are from partying too much than the truth (online all night).<\/li>\n<li>You change your screen names so much that you have to look at your own profile to see who you are.<\/li>\n<li>You go into labor and you stop to type a special E-mail to let everyone know you&#8217;re going to be away and how you&#8217;re feeling.<\/li>\n<li>You marry your cyberboyfriend\/girlfriend and you both sit at your own computers &amp; chat to each other every night from across the room.<\/li>\n<li>You type messages to people while you are on the phone with them at the same time.<\/li>\n<li>You understand the humor in all of these jokes because you have committed then yourself!<\/li>\n<li>Your dog leaves you.<\/li>\n<li>You are doing things more and more that you swore you would never do when you first got online.<\/li>\n<li>You sign on &amp; immediately get 10 IMs from people who have you on their buddy list.<\/li>\n<li>You have a map on the wall w\/ LOTS of red thumbtacks to mark where people are you have met.<\/li>\n<li>You look at an annoying person off-line &amp; wish you had your ignore button handy.<\/li>\n<li>You bring a bag lunch &amp; a cooler to the computer.<\/li>\n<li>Your significant other kisses your neck while you&#8217;re chatting and you think, &quot;Uh oh, cyber sex perv&quot;.<\/li>\n<li>You go thru &quot;withdrawal&quot; if you are away from the computer for more than a few hours.<\/li>\n<li>Your buddy list has over 100 people on it.<\/li>\n<li>You understand what BIF ISO BIM means.<\/li>\n<li>You wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is get online before you have your first cup of coffee.<\/li>\n<li>You have to inject no-doze into your butt to keep it awake.<\/li>\n<li>You have your computer set so it goes directly into AOL&#8217;s welcome screen.<\/li>\n<li>You wait 6 hours online for a certain &quot;special&quot; person to come home from work.<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t know where the time has gone.<\/li>\n<li>You end sentences with 3 (or more) periods while writing letters by hand.<\/li>\n<li>Your relationship online has gone farther than any real one you have ad.<\/li>\n<li>You get up at 2 am to go to the bathroom but turn on the computer instead.<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t even notice anymore when someone has a typo.<\/li>\n<li>You enter a room &amp; 23 people greet you w\/ {{hugs}} or **kisses**.<\/li>\n<li>You stop typing whole words and use things like ppl, dunno and lemme.<\/li>\n<li>Your voicemail\/answering machine message is &quot;BRB, leave your s\/n &amp; I will TTYL&quot;.<\/li>\n<li>You type faster than you think.<\/li>\n<li>You got your psychiatrist addicted to AOL too &amp; are now undergoing therapy in private rooms instead of at his office.<\/li>\n<li>You want to be buried with your computer when it dies or vice versa.<\/li>\n<li>You actually enjoy the fact that you are addicted.<\/li>\n<li>You can actually read &amp; follow all the names of the cast that scrolls up your TV screen at the end of a movie.<\/li>\n<li>People say, &quot;If it weren&#8217;t for your super reflexes in your eyes and fingers, you would have been classified as a vegetable!&quot;<\/li>\n<li>You dream in &quot;text&quot;.<\/li>\n<li>Being called a Newbie is a &quot;MAJOR&quot; insult.<\/li>\n<li>There is absolutely no interesting chat in any room &amp; you&#8217;re really bored.<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t want to leave in case you miss something.<\/li>\n<li>You double click your TV remote.<\/li>\n<li>You can now type over 70 wpm.<\/li>\n<li>You think about starting a 12-step recovery group for AOL junkies.<\/li>\n<li>You are on the phone a minute &amp; need to do something else &amp; say &quot;BRB&quot; or &quot;BBL&quot;.<\/li>\n<li>You check your E-mail and forget you have real mail (a.k.a. snail mail).<\/li>\n<li>You go into withdrawals during dinner.<\/li>\n<li>You spend at least 30 minutes making sure you say goodbye to everyone in a room.<\/li>\n<li>You stop speaking in full sentences.<\/li>\n<li>You have gone into an unstaffed Tech Support room &amp; ended up &quot;giving&quot; tech support to other AOLers.<\/li>\n<li>You have to be pried from your computer by the &quot;Jaws of Life&quot;.<\/li>\n<li>Your last sexual experience was really just a &quot;textual&quot; experience.<\/li>\n<li>You know what a &quot;snert&quot; is.<\/li>\n<li>You set your kitchen on fire while cooking dinner because you wanted to &quot;check your mail&quot; &amp; while there you &quot;just wanted to see who was online&quot;.<\/li>\n<li>You meet people from AOL in public &amp; you have no idea what their real name is, so you call them by their screen name.<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;ve even gotten on an airplane just to meet some folks face-to-face.<\/li>\n<li>When seeing someone you wish to meet, your second thought is wishing they&#8217;d be on AOL so you don&#8217;t have to meet them in person.<\/li>\n<li>You have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it.<\/li>\n<li>You no longer type with proper capitalization, punctuation, or complete sentences.<\/li>\n<li>You have met over 100 AOLers.<\/li>\n<li>When meeting a stranger, you ask for their profile. If they have a profile you ask them for an age\/sex\/location check.<\/li>\n<li>You understand the humor in all of this.<\/li>\n<li>You keep telling yourself to Get a Life.<\/li>\n<li>When someone online says BRB, gotta go pee, you ask them to go for you, and think they can.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Tech Support calls &quot;YOU&quot; for help. Someone at work tells you a joke and you say &quot;LOL&quot; out loud. You find yourself trying to cock your head 90 degrees when you smile. You have called out someone&#8217;s screen name while making love to your significant other. You keep begging your friends to get an account [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[145,406,924],"class_list":["post-188","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-aol","tag-aol","tag-computer","tag-lists"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/188","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=188"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/188\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=188"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=188"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=188"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}