{"id":1879,"date":"2015-01-04T01:42:46","date_gmt":"2015-01-03T23:42:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=1879"},"modified":"2015-01-04T01:42:46","modified_gmt":"2015-01-03T23:42:46","slug":"you-know-you-are-addicted-to-coffee-if","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1879","title":{"rendered":"You Know You Are Addicted to Coffee If&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.<\/li>\n<li>You sleep with your eyes open.<\/li>\n<li>You have to watch videos in fast-forward.<\/li>\n<li>The only time you&#8217;re standing still is during an earthquake.<\/li>\n<li>You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;ve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.<\/li>\n<li>Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.<\/li>\n<li>You chew on other people&#8217;s fingernails.<\/li>\n<li>The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;re so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.<\/li>\n<li>You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.<\/li>\n<li>You can jump-start your car without cables.<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t sweat, you percolate.<\/li>\n<li>You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it&#8217;s not plugged in.<\/li>\n<li>You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.<\/li>\n<li>People get dizzy just watching you.<\/li>\n<li>Instant coffee takes too long.<\/li>\n<li>You channel surf faster without a remote.<\/li>\n<li>You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.<\/li>\n<li>You can outlast the Energizer bunny.<\/li>\n<li>You short out motion detectors.<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t even wait for the water to boil anymore.<\/li>\n<li>Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.<\/li>\n<li>You help your dog chase its tail.<\/li>\n<li>You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.<\/li>\n<li>Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.<\/li>\n<li>You ski uphill.<\/li>\n<li>You get a speeding ticket even when you&#8217;re parked.<\/li>\n<li>You answer the door before people knock.<\/li>\n<li>You haven&#8217;t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. You sleep with your eyes open. You have to watch videos in fast-forward. The only time you&#8217;re standing still is during an earthquake. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. You&#8217;ve worn out your third pair of tennis shoes [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[103,389,924],"class_list":["post-1879","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funlists","tag-addict","tag-coffee","tag-lists"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1879","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1879"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1879\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1879"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1879"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1879"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}