{"id":1869,"date":"2015-01-03T20:03:30","date_gmt":"2015-01-03T18:03:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=1869"},"modified":"2015-01-03T20:03:30","modified_gmt":"2015-01-03T18:03:30","slug":"the-canonical-collection-of-light-bulb-jokes","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1869","title":{"rendered":"The Canonical Collection of Light Bulb Jokes"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Q:  How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Six.  One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.<\/li>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Five.  One to change the bulb and four more to chase off the Californians who have come up to relate to the experience.<br \/>\nA&#8217;:  Nine.  One to change the bulb, and eight to protest the nuclear power plant that generates the electricity that powers it.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  None &#8216;o yo&#8217; fuckin&#8217; business!<br \/>\nA&#8217;:  50.  50?  Yeah 50; its in the contract.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Two.  One to call the electrician and one to mix the martinis.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.<br \/>\nA&#8217;:  None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  None.  That&#8217;s a hardware problem.<br \/>\nA&#8217;:  One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down.<br \/>\nA&#8221;:  Two.  One always leaves in the middle of the project.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  None.  That&#8217;s a software problem.<br \/>\nA&#8217;:  None.  They just have marketing portray the dead bulb as a feature.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many FSE&#8217;s does it take to replace a dead light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Who can tell.  FSE&#8217;s are always in the dark.<br \/>\nA&#8217;:  2.  One to hold the bulb and one to pound it in (etc)<br \/>\nNote:  FSE&#8217;s are &#8220;Field Service Engineers.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q&#8217;:  How long will it take?<br \/>\nA&#8217;:  That&#8217;s indeterminate.  It depends on how many dead bulbs they&#8217;ve brought with them.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q&#8221;:  What if you have *two* dead bulbs?<br \/>\nA&#8221;:  They replace your fuse box.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  As many as you want; they&#8217;re all virtual, anyway.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  None.  There&#8217;s a primitive for that.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  That&#8217;s proprietary information.  Answer available from AT&#038;T on payment of license fee (binary only).<br \/>\nA&#8217;:  Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session.<br \/>\nA&#8221;:  Three.  One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number of one of their subordinates to actually change it.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many `Real Men&#8217; does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  None:  `Real Men&#8217; aren&#8217;t afraid of the dark.<br \/>\nA&#8217;:  None of your damn business!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many `Real Women&#8217; does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  None:  A `Real Woman&#8217; would have plenty of real men around to do it.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Jewish mothers does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  None.  (&#8220;That&#8217;s all right&#8230;I&#8217;ll just sit here in the dark&#8230;&#8221;)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Polacks does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Just one, but you need 6000 Russian troops in case he goes on strike!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Silly, WASPs don&#8217;t screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  None:  The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many (Generals\/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  1,000,001:  One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Nobody knows.  Russian leaders don&#8217;t last as long as light bulbs.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Seven.  One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Five:  One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Q:  How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?\n<p>A:  Three, but they&#8217;re really only one.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Two.  One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  One, but it takes at least three light bulbs.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  That&#8217;s not funny!!!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many &#8216;Cliffie girls does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  It&#8217;s &#8220;Radcliffe Women&#8221; and it&#8217;s not funny!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  None.  The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Two.  One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.<br \/>\nA&#8217;:  None.  If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Valley Girls does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Oooh, like, manual labor?  Gag me with a spoon!  For sure.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many database people does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Three:<br \/>\n One to write the light bulb removal program,<br \/>\n one to write the light bulb insertion program, and<br \/>\n one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many straight San Franciscans does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Both of them.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  A tree in a golden forest.<br \/>\nA&#8217;:  Two:  one to change the bulb and one not to change it.<br \/>\nA&#8221;:  One to change and one not to change is fake Zen.  The true Zen answer is Four.  One to change the bulb.<br \/>\nA&#8221;&#8217;:None.  Zen masters carry their own light.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Carl Sagans does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Billions and billions.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Two.  One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Three.  One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  You can unscrew a light bulb.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many [IBM] Technical Writers does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  100.  Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only, &#8220;This page intentionally left blank,&#8221; and 20% of the definitions are of the form &#8220;A <...> consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks.&#8221;<br \/>\nA&#8217;:  Just one, provided there&#8217;s an engineer around to explain how to do it.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  None.  They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many gays does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Two.  One to screw it in and the other to say &#8220;Fabulous.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many professors does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Only one, but they get three tech.  reports out of it.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Three.  One to change the light bulb, one to be a witness, and the third to shoot the witness.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many <ethnics> does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  10.  One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many strong <ethnics> does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  115.  One to hold the bulb and 114 to rotate the house.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many <ethnic> gods does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Two.  One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many people does it take to throw away a one WATT bulb??<br \/>\nA:  Five.  A Black, a Jew, two women, and a cripple&#8230;<br \/>\nNotes:  topical to the resignation of Interior secretary James Watt in 1983<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  None.  It turned itself in.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  How many can you afford?<br \/>\nA&#8217;:  It only takes one to change your bulb&#8230;to his.<br \/>\nA&#8221;:  Lawyers don&#8217;t change bulbs.  Now if you&#8217;re looking for someone to really screw a bulb&#8230;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  The entire team!  And they all get a semester&#8217;s credit for it!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Three.  One to screw it in and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  None.  There never *was* any light bulb.<br \/>\nNotes:  Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many cabbage patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  The question is irrelevant since you couldn&#8217;t find the dolls even if you knew how many.<br \/>\nNotes:  Topical to 1983 and the difficulty of obtaining cabbage patch dolls<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Sorry, that item has been cut from the budget!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many psychics does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  &#8212;- You should have hit &#8220;n!&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many &#8220;pro-lifers&#8221; does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  6:  2 to screw in the bulb and 4 to testify that it was lit from the moment they began screwing.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many sorority sisters does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  51.  One to change the bulb, and fifty to sing about the bulb being changed.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many frat guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Three:  One to screw it in, and the other two to help him down off the keg.<br \/>\nA&#8217;:  Five:  One to hold the bulb, and four to guzzle beer until the room spins.<br \/>\nA&#8221;:  None.  Frat boys screw in puddles of vomit.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Harvard grads does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Just one.  He grabs the bulb and waits for the world to revolve around him.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Two.  One to assure the everything possible is being done while the other screws the bulb into the water faucet.<br \/>\nA&#8217;:  45.  One to change the bulb, and 44 to do the paperwork.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many board meetings does it take to get a light bulb changed?<br \/>\nA:  This topic was resumed from last week&#8217;s discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items.  It will be continued next week.  Meanwhile&#8230;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many assholes does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  None; assholes never see the light anyway.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Necrophiliacs does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  None.  Necrophiliacs prefer dead bulbs.<br \/>\nA&#8217;:  Only one.  &#8220;Oh, excuse me, could you please test the socket with your finger while I go get a new bulb?&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many brewers does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  About one third less than for a regular bulb.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many WASP Princesses does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Two.  One to get a Tab and one to call Daddy.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many accountants does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  What kind of answer did you have in mind?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  As many as it takes to make a pile big enough to climb on to reach the bulb.<br \/>\nNotes:  Ugh!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many junkies does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  &#8220;Oh wow, is it like dark, man?&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  I&#8217;ll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many U.S marines does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  50.  One to screw in the light bulb and the remaining 49 to guard him.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Romulans does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  151, one to screw the light-bulb in, and 150 to self-destruct the ship out of disgrace.   (Warning:  do not tell this to Romulans or be ready for a fight.  They consider this joke to be a disgrace, though it is not bad for a LBJ.)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many editors of Poor Richard&#8217;s Almanac does it take to replace a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Many hands make light work.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Vulcans does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Approximately 1.00000000000000000000000<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many efficiency experts does it take to replace a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  None.  Efficiency experts replace only dark bulbs.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Pygmies does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  At least three.  (Notes:  think height!)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many actors does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Only one.  They don&#8217;t like to share the spotlight.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Chinese Red Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  10,000 &#8211; to give the bulb a cultural revolution.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  All of them.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many TV comedians does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Two, one to screw it in, and another to say &#8220;Sock it to Me.&#8221;  (Notes:  Sock it = Socket.  Also, the phrase was from  Laugh In .)<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  Do you know how many musicians it takes to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  No, big daddy, but hum a few bars and I&#8217;ll fake it.<br \/>\nA&#8217;:  Twenty.  One to hold the bulb, two to turn the ladder, and seventeen in on the guest list.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Two, one to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many bikers does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  It takes two.  One to change the bulb, and the other to kick the switch.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Taoists does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  You cannot change a light bulb.  By its nature it will go out again.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many running-dog lackeys of the bourgeoisie does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Two.  One to exploit the proletariat, and one to control the means of production!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many referral agents does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Two:  One to screw you out of a fee, and the other to send you to a store where they ran out of bulbs weeks ago.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Two:  One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many dull people does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  one.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many big black monoliths does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Sorry, light bulbs are an evolutionary dead end.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  One, if it knows its own Goedel number.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many dadaists does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  To get to the other side.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  None.  It&#8217;s left to the reader as an exercise.<br \/>\nA&#8217;:  One.  He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke.<br \/>\nA&#8221;:  One.  He gives it to five Oregonians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke.<br \/>\nA&#8221;&#8217;:  In an earlier article, zeus!bobr writes:<\/p>\n<p><UL><LI>Q:  How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  One.  He gives it to six Californians, thereby reducing the problem to an earlier joke&#8230;<br \/>\nIn earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.<br \/>\nIf k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb.<br \/>\nTherefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.<\/p>\n<p>Bibliography:<br \/>\n[1] Wiener, Matthew P., &lt;11485@ucbvax&gt;, _Re:  YALBJ_, 1986<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  We don&#8217;t know.  They never get past the feasibility study.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Ukrainians does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  None, because people who glow in the dark don&#8217;t need light bulbs.<br \/>\nNote:  Topical to the Chernobyl Reactor disaster of 1984.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Three.  One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle&#8230;  and one to change the bulb.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many stock brokers does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Two.  One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it&#8217;s already burned out).<br \/>\nA&#8217;:  It&#8217;s out??  *Sell my G.E.  stock NOW!*<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many aides does it take to change President Reagan&#8217;s light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  None, they like to keep him in the dark.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q: How many magicians does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Depends on what you want to change it into.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many missionaries does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  101.  One to change it and 100 to convince everyone else to change light bulbs too.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  &#8220;Twelve.  Ya got a problem with that?&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many surgeons does it take to replace a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  3.  We&#8217;d also like to remove the socket as you aren&#8217;t using it now.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many libertarians does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Libertarians never change light bulbs, because someone might enter the room who wants to sit in the dark.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many Macintosh users does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  None.  You have to replace the whole motherboard.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many nihilists does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  There is nothing to change.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many televangelists does it take to screw in a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  None.  Televangelists screw in motels.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q:  How many presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA:  Fewer and fewer all the time.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Q: How many believable, competent, &#8220;just-right-for-the-job&#8221; presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?<br \/>\nA: It&#8217;s going to be a dark 4 years, isn&#8217;t it?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb? A: Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience. Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Five. One to change the bulb and four more to chase off [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[33],"tags":[310,920],"class_list":["post-1869","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-light","tag-canonical-list","tag-light-bulb"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1869","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1869"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1869\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1869"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1869"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1869"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}