{"id":1865,"date":"2015-01-03T19:59:04","date_gmt":"2015-01-03T17:59:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=1865"},"modified":"2015-01-03T19:59:04","modified_gmt":"2015-01-03T17:59:04","slug":"bobby-knights-to-do-list","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1865","title":{"rendered":"Bobby Knight&#8217;s To Do List"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Bobby Knight has a long history of violent outbursts, including many highly-publicized run-ins with players and referees during his years as a college basketball coach. Here&#8217;s a copy of his to-do list, taken from his cluttered desk before his retirement.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Finish motivational tape called &#8220;Pull Your Head Out Of Your Butt And Get Your Sh*t Together You Worthless Sack Of Puke.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Ridicule those WWF weenies for sloppy chair-throwing technique.<\/li>\n<li>Watch &#8220;Patton&#8221; again.<\/li>\n<li>Apologize to Father Nesbitt for hurling pew cushions into the aisle during an unconvincing portion of last Sunday&#8217;s sermon.<\/li>\n<li>Call Ditka regarding the 2-for-1 Prozac deal over at Drug Emporium.<\/li>\n<li>Begin writing &#8220;Chicken Soup For The Ill-tempered, Foul-mouthed, Blowhard&#8217;s Soul.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Beat the living tar out of Dan Burton for making people from Indiana look crazy.<\/li>\n<li>Tend to bed of pansies on kitchen window sill.<\/li>\n<li>Head down to the nursing home and slap Mom around as late Mother&#8217;s Day gift.<\/li>\n<li>Check Monster.com for any jobs listed as &#8220;Violent Nutcase College Basketball Coaches.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Submit fecal artwork to Brooklyn Museum of Art.<\/li>\n<li>Develop new TV show &#8212; &#8220;Two Guys, a Girl and a Chair-throwin&#8217;, Woman-bashin&#8217; Player-stranglin&#8217; Coach.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Have floral arrangement delivered to side of secretary&#8217;s head.<\/li>\n<li>Haul the ol&#8217; Louisville Slugger down to Chuckie Cheese for a few hours of Whack-a-Mole.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Bobby Knight has a long history of violent outbursts, including many highly-publicized run-ins with players and referees during his years as a college basketball coach. Here&#8217;s a copy of his to-do list, taken from his cluttered desk before his retirement. Finish motivational tape called &#8220;Pull Your Head Out Of Your Butt And Get Your Sh*t [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[56],"tags":[255,1439],"class_list":["post-1865","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sports","tag-bobby-knight","tag-to-do-list"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1865","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1865"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1865\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1865"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1865"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1865"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}