{"id":1863,"date":"2015-01-03T19:57:32","date_gmt":"2015-01-03T17:57:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=1863"},"modified":"2015-01-03T19:57:32","modified_gmt":"2015-01-03T17:57:32","slug":"the-biggest-lies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1863","title":{"rendered":"The Biggest Lies"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>The check is in the mail.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;ll respect you in the morning.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;m from your government, and I am here to help you.<\/li>\n<li>It&#8217;s only a cold sore.<\/li>\n<li>You get this one, I&#8217;ll pay next time.<\/li>\n<li>My wife doesn&#8217;t understand me.<\/li>\n<li>Trust me, I&#8217;ll take care of everything.<\/li>\n<li>Of course I love you.<\/li>\n<li>I am getting a divorce.<\/li>\n<li>Drinking? Why, no, Officer.<\/li>\n<li>I never inhaled.<\/li>\n<li>It&#8217;s not the money, it&#8217;s the principle of the thing.<\/li>\n<li>I never watch television except for PBS.<\/li>\n<li>&#8230;but we can still be good friends.<\/li>\n<li>She means nothing to me.<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t worry, I can go another 20 miles when the gauge is on &#8220;empty.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>I gave at the office.<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t worry, he&#8217;s never bitten anyone.<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;ll call you later.<\/li>\n<li>We&#8217;ll release the upgrade by the end of the year.<\/li>\n<li>Read my lips: no new taxes<\/li>\n<li>I&#8217;ve never done anything like this before<\/li>\n<li>Now, I&#8217;m going to tell you the truth<\/li>\n<li>It&#8217;s supposed to make that noise.<\/li>\n<li>I *love* your new &lt;hat\/haircut\/dress\/suit&#8230;&gt;!<\/li>\n<li>&#8230;then take a left. You can&#8217;t miss it.<\/li>\n<li>Yes, I did.<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t worry, it&#8217;s OK &#8212; I&#8217;m sterile&#8230;<\/li>\n<li>Just take a left after the lights &#8212; you can&#8217;t miss it.<\/li>\n<li>I am married, but we&#8217;re getting a divorce.<\/li>\n<li>Just ignore him &#8212; he&#8217;s never bitten anyone.<\/li>\n<li>Nothing would please me more.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The check is in the mail. I&#8217;ll respect you in the morning. I&#8217;m from your government, and I am here to help you. It&#8217;s only a cold sore. You get this one, I&#8217;ll pay next time. My wife doesn&#8217;t understand me. Trust me, I&#8217;ll take care of everything. Of course I love you. I am [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[917,923],"class_list":["post-1863","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funlists","tag-lies","tag-list"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1863","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1863"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1863\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1863"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1863"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1863"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}