{"id":1840,"date":"2015-01-03T19:38:53","date_gmt":"2015-01-03T17:38:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=1840"},"modified":"2015-01-03T19:38:53","modified_gmt":"2015-01-03T17:38:53","slug":"signs-youre-on-a-bad-cruise-ship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1840","title":{"rendered":"Signs You&#8217;re On A Bad Cruise Ship"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>The shuffleboard puck looks suspiciously like a urinal cake.<\/li>\n<li>Scheduled entertainment: The comedy stylings of Kato Kaelin.<\/li>\n<li>All activities are scheduled for after sundown, and the chefs refuse to cook with garlic.<\/li>\n<li>First port of call on your &#8220;Surprise Adventures Tour&#8221; is East Timor.<\/li>\n<li>Six-foot-tall obnoxious mice greet you everywhere you go &#8212; and it&#8217;s *not* a Disney cruise.<\/li>\n<li>The &#8220;TrekCruise&#8221; brochure said nothing about William Shatner eating all the shrimp before you get to the buffet.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;LIFEBOATS?!?  We don&#8217;t NEED no stinkin&#8217; lifeboats!!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>The scenery is nice, but monotonous: two seagulls, a puffy cloud, a sun, then wait ten seconds and it starts over again.<\/li>\n<li>Complimentary Polo shirt is yours to keep &#8212; after you make a dozen more just like &#8217;em for Kathie Lee at the Guatemala port of call.<\/li>\n<p><li>The Good News: You&#8217;ve been invited to dine at the captain&#8217;s table.<br \/>\nThe Bad News: Tonight&#8217;s entertainment is a live sex show at the captain&#8217;s table.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Welcome aboard &#8220;wine and cheese&#8221; buffet consists of Ripple and Velveeta slices.<\/li>\n<li>Their ship: Leonardo DiCaprio sketches a tasteful nude of you in your cabin. Your ship: Bobby-Ray spray paints your name on one of the Smokestacks.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;And here&#8217;s your dance director: The man who invented dancing, Al Gore!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Cruise line name: ValuBoat Destination: Florida Everglades<\/li>\n<li>That strong smell of fish is not coming from the sea, but from your cruise director, Julie McCrusty.<\/li>\n<li>Attention passengers: Now starting on the Lido Deck is the ship&#8217;s Tequila Shots Championship. Come watch undefeated Captain Hazelwood defend his title!&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The shuffleboard puck looks suspiciously like a urinal cake. Scheduled entertainment: The comedy stylings of Kato Kaelin. All activities are scheduled for after sundown, and the chefs refuse to cook with garlic. First port of call on your &#8220;Surprise Adventures Tour&#8221; is East Timor. Six-foot-tall obnoxious mice greet you everywhere you go &#8212; and it&#8217;s [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[63],"tags":[463,924,1463],"class_list":["post-1840","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-travel","tag-cruise-ship","tag-lists","tag-trouble"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1840","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1840"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1840\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1840"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1840"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1840"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}