{"id":1838,"date":"2015-01-03T19:36:07","date_gmt":"2015-01-03T17:36:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=1838"},"modified":"2015-01-03T19:36:07","modified_gmt":"2015-01-03T17:36:07","slug":"signs-youre-at-a-bad-baptism","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1838","title":{"rendered":"Signs You&#8217;re at a Bad Baptism"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>The Coast Guard is involved.<\/li>\n<li>The service is held at Splash Mountain Water Parks.<\/li>\n<li>Pastor wears scuba gear.<\/li>\n<li>As the baptism begins the organist plays the theme from &#8220;Jaws.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>The preacher uses a &#8220;Billy the Bass&#8221; singing &#8220;Take Me to the River&#8221; instead of the traditional &#8220;Shall We Gather at the River?&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>You keep hearing the pastor saying, &#8220;Oops! Honestly, sister; I didn&#8217;t know about that drop-off!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>The pastor can&#8217;t get the rather large person being baptized back up out of the water and calls for help.<\/li>\n<li>The deacon board shows up with fishing gear.<\/li>\n<li>Just as the choir starts to sing, Paul Hogan jumps out of the water and wrestles the preacher into submission.<\/li>\n<li>Two Words: Alka Seltzer<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The Coast Guard is involved. The service is held at Splash Mountain Water Parks. Pastor wears scuba gear. As the baptism begins the organist plays the theme from &#8220;Jaws.&#8221; The preacher uses a &#8220;Billy the Bass&#8221; singing &#8220;Take Me to the River&#8221; instead of the traditional &#8220;Shall We Gather at the River?&#8221;. You keep hearing [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[191,924,1463],"class_list":["post-1838","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funlists","tag-baptism","tag-lists","tag-trouble"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1838","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1838"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1838\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1838"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1838"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1838"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}