{"id":1803,"date":"2015-01-03T11:11:59","date_gmt":"2015-01-03T09:11:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=1803"},"modified":"2015-01-03T11:11:59","modified_gmt":"2015-01-03T09:11:59","slug":"signs-youre-not-ready-for-summer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1803","title":{"rendered":"Signs You&#8217;re Not Ready for Summer"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Still trying to untangle the Christmas lights from the Weedwhacker.<\/li>\n<li>The pool boy shows up with a backhoe.<\/li>\n<li>Putting on last year&#8217;s bathing suit requires Vaseline and a shoe horn.<\/li>\n<li>Used all your bikini wax to polish your hardwood floors during the winter.<\/li>\n<li>Your new batch of ads featuring a pierced Joe Camel on a surfboard are three weeks behind schedule.<\/li>\n<li>Your belly has more rolls than Sara Lee, and besides, you&#8217;re still hungover from spring break.<\/li>\n<li>You refuse to visit any beach not personally guarded by David Hasselhoff.<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;re so white, even the Boston Celtics refuse you.<\/li>\n<li>Vacation plans include a ValueJet flight to a Club Med Zaire.<\/li>\n<p><li>Recent guilty verdict on all 11 counts means<br \/>\nyou can kiss that Summer Patriot Training Camp trip goodbye.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Without flood relief from slow Congress, you&#8217;re still *living* in your bass boat.<\/li>\n<li>Despite therapy, you&#8217;re still not prepared for the coming endless airplay of &#8220;Kokomo.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>The sun&#8217;s reflection off your phosphorescent white skin actually damaged one of Mir&#8217;s solar panels.<\/li>\n<li>Still confusing the George Clooney Batman with the Val Kilmer Batman.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Still trying to untangle the Christmas lights from the Weedwhacker. The pool boy shows up with a backhoe. Putting on last year&#8217;s bathing suit requires Vaseline and a shoe horn. Used all your bikini wax to polish your hardwood floors during the winter. Your new batch of ads featuring a pierced Joe Camel on a [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[27],"tags":[924,1377],"class_list":["post-1803","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-funlists","tag-lists","tag-summer"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1803","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1803"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1803\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1803"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1803"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1803"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}