{"id":178,"date":"2014-12-21T17:04:06","date_gmt":"2014-12-21T15:04:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=178"},"modified":"2014-12-21T17:04:06","modified_gmt":"2014-12-21T15:04:06","slug":"diary-of-an-aol-user","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=178","title":{"rendered":"Diary of an AOL User"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><UL><\/p>\n<li>July 18 &#8211; I just tried to connect to America Online. I&#8217;ve heard it is the best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I&#8217;d better hold onto it in case they don&#8217;t ever send me anther one! I can&#8217;t connect. I don&#8217;t know what is wrong.<\/li>\n<li>July 19 &#8211; Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a modem. I don&#8217;t see why. He&#8217;s just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he think I am?<\/li>\n<li>July 22 &#8211; I bought the modem. I couldn&#8217;t figure out where it goes. It wouldn&#8217;t fit in the monitor or the printer. I&#8217;m confused.<\/li>\n<li>July 23 &#8211; I finally got the modem in and hooked up. That nine year old next door did it for me. But it still don&#8217;t work. I cant get online.<\/li>\n<li>July 25 &#8211; That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America Online for me. He&#8217;s so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he says that&#8217;s just another service. What a modest kid. He&#8217;s so smart and he does these services for people. Anyway he&#8217;s smarter then the jerks who sold me the modem. They didn&#8217;t even tell me about communications software. Bet they didn&#8217;t know. And why do they put two telephone jack holes in the back of a modem when you only need one? And why do they have one labeled phone when you are not suppose to hook it to the phone jack on the wall? I thought the dial tone sounded funny! Boy, are modem makers dumb! But the kid figured it out by the sound.<\/li>\n<li>July 26 &#8211; What&#8217;s the internet? I thought I was on America Online. Not this internet thing. I&#8217;m confused.<\/li>\n<li>July 27 &#8211; The nine year old kid next door showed me how to use this America Online stuff. I told him he must be a genius. He says that he is compared to me. Maybe he&#8217;s not so modest after all.<\/li>\n<li>July 28 &#8211; I tried to use chat today. I tried to talk into my computer but nothing happened. Maybe I need to buy a microphone.<\/li>\n<li>July 29 &#8211; I found this thing called usenet. I got out of it because I&#8217;m connected to America Online not usenet.<\/li>\n<li>July 30 &#8211; These people in this usenet thing keep using capital letters. How do they do that? I never figured out how to type capital letters. Maybe they have a different type of keyboard.<\/li>\n<li>JULY 31 &#8211; I CALLED THE COMPUTER MAKER I BOUGHT IT FROM TO COMPLAIN ABOUT NOT HAVING A CAPITAL LETTER KEY. THE TECH SUPPORT GUY SAID IT WAS THIS CAPS LOCK KEY. WHY DIDN&#8217;T THEY SPELL IT OUT? I TOLD HIM I GOT A CHEAP KEYBOARD AND WANTED A BETTER ONE. AND ONE OF MY SHIFT KEYS ISN&#8217;T THE SAME SIZE AS THE OTHER. HE SAID THAT&#8217;S A STANDARD. I TOLD HIM I DIDN&#8217;T WANT A STANDARD KEYBOARD BUT ANOTHER BRAND. I MUST HAVE HAD AN IMPORTANT COMPLAINT BECAUSE I HEARD HIM TELL THE OTHER SUPPORT GUYS TO LISTEN IN ON OUR CONVERSATION.<\/li>\n<li>AUGUST 1 &#8211; I FOUND THIS THING CALLED THE USENET ORACLE. IT SAYS THAT IT CAN ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS I ASK IT. I SENT IT 44 SEPARATE QUESTIONS ABOUT THE INTERNET. I HOPE IT RESPONDS SOON.<\/li>\n<li>AUGUST 2 &#8211; I FOUND A GROUP CALLED REC.HUMOR. I DECIDED TO POST THIS JOKE ABOUT THE CHICKEN THAT CROSSED THE ROAD. TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE! HA! HA! I WASNT SURE I POSTED IT RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 56 MORE TIMES.<\/li>\n<li>AUGUST 3 &#8211; I KEEP HEARING ABOUT THE WORLD WIDE WEB. I DON&#8217;T NOW SPIDERS GREW THAT LARGE.<\/li>\n<li>AUGUST 4 &#8211; THE ORACLE RESPONDED TO MY QUESTIONS TODAY. GEEZ IT WAS RUDE. I WAS SO ANGRY THAT I POSTED AN ANGRY MESSAGE ABOUT IT TO REC.HUMOR.ORACLE. I WASNT SURE IF I POSTED RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 22 MORE TIMES.<\/li>\n<li>AUGUST 5 &#8211; SOMEONE TOLD ME TO READ THE FAQ. GEEZ THEY DIDN&#8217;T HAVE TO USE PROFANITY.<\/li>\n<li>AUGUST 6 &#8211; SOMEONE ELSE TOLD ME TO STOP SHOUTING IN ALL MY MESSAGES. WHAT A STUPID JERK. I&#8217;M NOT SHOUTING! I&#8217;M NOT EVEN TALKING! JUST TYPING! HOW CAN THEY LET THESE RUDE JERKS GO ON THE INTERNET? <\/li>\n<li>August 7 &#8211; Why have a Caps Lock key if you&#8217;re not suppose to use it? It&#8217;s probably an extra feature that costs more money.<\/li>\n<li>August 8 &#8211; I just read this post called make money fast. I&#8217;m so exited. I&#8217;m going to make lots of money. I followed his instructions and posted it to every newsgroup I could find.<\/li>\n<li>August 9 &#8211; I just made my signature file. Its only 6 pages long. I will have to work on it some more.<\/li>\n<li>August 10 &#8211; I just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. I read a few posts and I really believe that aol should be wiped off the face of the earth. I wonder what an aol is.<\/li>\n<li>August 11 &#8211; I was asking where to find some information about something. Some guy told me to check out ftp.netcom.com. I&#8217;ve looked and looked but I can&#8217;t find that group.<\/li>\n<li>August 12 &#8211; I sent a post to every usenet group on the Internet asking where the ftp.netcom.com is. Hopefully someone will help. I cant ask the kid next door. His parents said that when he comes back from my house he&#8217;s laughing so hard he can&#8217;t eat or sleep or do his homework. So they wont let him come over anymore. I do have a great sense of humor. I don&#8217;t know why the rec.humor group didn&#8217;t like my chicken joke. Maybe they only like dirty stuff. Some people sent me posts about my 56 posts of the joke and they used bad words.<\/li>\n<li>August 13 &#8211; I sent another post to every usenet group on the Internet asking where the ftp.netcom.com is. I had forgot yesterday to include my new signature file which is only 8 pages long. I know everyone will want to read my favorite poem so I included it. I&#8217;m also going to add that short story I like.<\/li>\n<li>August 14 &#8211; Some guy suspended my account because of what I was doing. I told him I don&#8217;t have an account at his bank. He&#8217;s so dumb.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>July 18 &#8211; I just tried to connect to America Online. I&#8217;ve heard it is the best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! I&#8217;d better hold onto it in case they don&#8217;t ever send me anther one! I can&#8217;t connect. I don&#8217;t know what is wrong. July 19 &#8211; Some [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[145,406],"class_list":["post-178","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-aol","tag-aol","tag-computer"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/178","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=178"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/178\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=178"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=178"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=178"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}