{"id":1777,"date":"2015-01-02T20:25:32","date_gmt":"2015-01-02T18:25:32","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/?p=1777"},"modified":"2015-01-02T20:25:32","modified_gmt":"2015-01-02T18:25:32","slug":"the-bachelor-diet","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1777","title":{"rendered":"The Bachelor Diet"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li><b>Monday<\/b>\n<ul>\n<li>Breakfast &#8211; Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth.<\/li>\n<li>Lunch &#8211; Send your secretary out for six &#8220;gutbombers&#8221; &#8211;  those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now  cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a  bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the  way back for a family size bottle of Maalox.<\/li>\n<li>Afternoon Snack &#8211; Drink the Maalox.<\/li>\n<li>Dinner &#8211; Six pack of beer and Kentucky Fried Chicken three-piece Dinner, don&#8217;t eat the coleslaw.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<p><\/P><\/p>\n<li><b>Tuesday<\/b>\n<ul>\n<li>Breakfast &#8211; Eat the coleslaw<\/li>\n<li>Lunch &#8211; Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea.<\/li>\n<li>Dinner &#8211; Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El  Flasho&#8217;s.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<p><\/P><\/p>\n<li><b>Wednesday<\/b>\n<ul>\n<li>Breakfast &#8211; Jaws couldn&#8217;t eat Breakfast after a night at  El Flasho&#8217;s.\n<li>Lunch &#8211; Rolaids and a coke.\n<li>Dinner &#8211; Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><b>Thursday<\/b>\n<ul>\n<li>Breakfast &#8211; Order out for pizza.<\/li>\n<li>Lunch &#8211; Your secretary is out sick, check Monday&#8217;s gutbomber sack for leftovers.<\/li>\n<li>Dinner &#8211; Go to a bar and drink yourself silly, when you get hungry ask the bartender for olives.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><b>Friday<\/b>\n<ul>\n<li>Breakfast &#8211; Eggs, sausage, and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it&#8217;s better for you.<\/li>\n<li>Lunch &#8211; Skip Lunch, Fridays are murder.<\/li>\n<li>Dinner &#8211; Steak, well-done, baked potato, and asparagus. Don&#8217;t eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><b>Saturday<\/b>\n<ul>\n<li>Breakfast &#8211; Sleep through it.<\/li>\n<li>Lunch &#8211; Ditto.<\/li>\n<li>Dinner &#8211; Steak, Well done, baked potato, and brussels sprouts. Don&#8217;t eat the brussels sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<li><b>Sunday<\/b>\n<ul>\n<li>Breakfast &#8211; Three Bloody Marys and half a Twinkie.<\/li>\n<li>Lunch &#8211; Eat Lunch? Waste a good buzz? Don&#8217;t eat Lunch.<\/li>\n<li>Dinner &#8211; Chicken noodle soup &#8211; Call your mom and ask her about renting your old room.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Monday Breakfast &#8211; Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth. Lunch &#8211; Send your secretary out for six &#8220;gutbombers&#8221; &#8211; those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpmdr_menu":1,"wpmdr_menu_extended":{"individualPostRemove":1,"individualPostRemoveDate":1,"individualPostRemoveAuthor":1,"individualPostYoastRemovePublished":1,"individualPostYoastRemoveModified":1},"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[174,509],"class_list":["post-1777","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-diet","tag-bachelor","tag-diet"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1777","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1777"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1777\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1777"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1777"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1777"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}