{"id":1751,"date":"2015-01-02T13:40:58","date_gmt":"2015-01-02T11:40:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=1751"},"modified":"2015-01-02T13:40:58","modified_gmt":"2015-01-02T11:40:58","slug":"you-know-you-work-for-the-government-if","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1751","title":{"rendered":"You Know You Work For the Government If&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie.<\/li>\n<li>You get really excited about a 2% pay raise.<\/li>\n<li>Your biggest loss from a system crash is you lose your best jokes.<\/li>\n<li>Your supervisor doesn&#8217;t have the ability to do your job.<\/li>\n<li>You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet.<\/li>\n<li>Computer specialists know less about computers than your teenager.<\/li>\n<li>Lunch is like another scheduled meeting, only shorter.<\/li>\n<li>You see a good looking person and know they are a visitor.<\/li>\n<li>Management thinks a business trip with uncompensated mandatory weekend travel is a perk.<\/li>\n<li>Although you have a telephone, pager, E-mail, FAX, company distribution, Fed-X, US mail and coworkers sitting right on the other side of the partition&#8230;communication is a continuing problem.<\/li>\n<li>You know, and everyone that works with you knows, your performance is superior, but &#8220;satisfactory&#8221; is the highest level on the documented performance rating.<\/li>\n<li>You work 200 hours for the $100 bonus check and jubilantly say &#8220;Oh wow, thanks!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Dilbert cartoons hang outside every cube.<\/li>\n<li>When workers screw up they are transferred to another office to be someone else&#8217;s problem; when management screws up they are promoted.<\/li>\n<li>Your boss&#8217; favorite lines are &#8220;when you get a few minutes,&#8221; &#8220;in your spare time,&#8221; &#8220;when you&#8217;re freed up&#8221; and &#8220;I have an opportunity for you.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Training is something spoken about but never seen.<\/li>\n<li>Vacation is something you roll over to next year.<\/li>\n<li>The worst possible reputation comes from being the initiator of a complaint.<\/li>\n<li>You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When someone asks about what you do for a living, you lie. You get really excited about a 2% pay raise. Your biggest loss from a system crash is you lose your best jokes. Your supervisor doesn&#8217;t have the ability to do your job. You sit in a cubicle smaller than your bedroom closet. Computer [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[30],"tags":[1541],"class_list":["post-1751","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-government","tag-workers"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1751","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1751"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1751\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1751"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1751"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1751"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}