{"id":164,"date":"2014-12-21T14:24:05","date_gmt":"2014-12-21T14:24:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=164"},"modified":"2014-12-21T14:24:05","modified_gmt":"2014-12-21T14:24:05","slug":"virus-warning","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=164","title":{"rendered":"Virus Warning"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>It has been brought to my attention that there&#8217;s an insidious new computer virus which has already affected close to 30 million computers.<\/p>\n<p>Even though I&#8217;m running the latest McAfee and Norton viri scans, neither have picked up this virus as it&#8217;s a mutating virus which isn&#8217;t set to go off until Friday, June 8, 2015.<\/p>\n<p>As many viri are, this one is transmitted by email.  I&#8217;m required by law to contact everyone that has received email from me in the last six months and warn them about this virus.<\/p>\n<p>TO REMOVE THIS VIRUS BEFORE IT BECOMES EFFECTIVE:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Click your start button.<\/li>\n<li>Click on &#8220;Find&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>Click on Files \/ Folders.<\/li>\n<li>Change the &#8220;look in&#8221; input box to &#8220;My Computer&#8221;.<\/li>\n<li>The named input file should have:  AOL.EXE<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Once the find engine has located the file, highlight it and press the delete button.<\/p>\n<p>Deleting this file will fix a damaged 30 megabyte area of your hard drive and restore it to full functionality.<\/p>\n<p>WARNING:  KEEPING THIS FILE ON THE SYSTEM AFTER JUNE 8 WILL COST YOU $2.90 MORE PER MONTH!<\/p>\n<p>FAILURE TO REMOVE THIS FILE WILL KEEP YOUR &#8220;UPPER MEMORY MANAGEMENT&#8221; MODULE OF YOUR INTELLIGENCE QUOTIENT (IQ OVER 85) BLOCKED. DELETING AOL.EXE WILL FREE YOUR IQ TO GO ABOVE 85!!!<\/p>\n<p>DELETING THIS FILE WILL ALLOW YOU TO SPELL CORRECTLY AND USE THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE PROPERLY.<\/p>\n<p>BADLY INFECTED SYSTEMS (I.E., SYSTEMS THAT HAVE DESTROYED YOUR  ABILITY TO FOLLOW THE SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS ABOVE) CAN HAVE THE VIRUS REMOVED BY TELEPHONE.  CALL 1-888-265-8008 AND TELL THE OPERATOR TO CANCEL THE VIRUS.  THE OPERATOR WILL DEACTIVATE THE VIRUS FROM THEIR<br \/>\nEND.<\/p>\n<p>TECHNICAL NOTE:  YOU **MUST** EXPLAIN TO THE OPERATOR YOU&#8217;RE ATTEMPTING TO DEACTIVATE THE AOL.EXE VIRUS.  THE TECHNICAL SUPPORT OFFICE YOU&#8217;RE TALKING TO IS EXTREMELY PROFESSIONALLY EMBARRASSED BY UNLEASHING THIS VIRUS ON THE WORLD AND WILL DELAY DEACTIVATING IT.  FOR LEGAL REASONS, THEY MAY EVEN *DENY* THE EXISTENCE OF THE AOL.EXE VIRUS.  DON&#8217;T FALL FOR THEIR STORY!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It has been brought to my attention that there&#8217;s an insidious new computer virus which has already affected close to 30 million computers. Even though I&#8217;m running the latest McAfee and Norton viri scans, neither have picked up this virus as it&#8217;s a mutating virus which isn&#8217;t set to go off until Friday, June 8, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[145,406,1495],"class_list":["post-164","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-aol","tag-aol","tag-computer","tag-virus"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/164","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=164"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/164\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=164"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=164"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=164"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}