{"id":1635,"date":"2015-01-02T10:31:33","date_gmt":"2015-01-02T08:31:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=1635"},"modified":"2015-01-02T10:31:33","modified_gmt":"2015-01-02T08:31:33","slug":"why-beer-is-better-than-cucumbers","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1635","title":{"rendered":"Why Beer is Better than Cucumbers"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>You can&#8217;t get drunk, no matter how many cucumbers you eat.<\/li>\n<li>Beer bottles don&#8217;t get sprayed with pesticides<\/li>\n<li>Beer bottles don&#8217;t shrivel up and grow mouldy if you leave them in the fridge for a month.<\/li>\n<li>Beer is always in season.<\/li>\n<li>Beer removes unsightly flab and wrinkles (on the person you&#8217;re looking at, if you drink enough of it \ud83d\ude42<\/li>\n<li>Eating cucumbers to forget doesn&#8217;t work.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr width=\"50%\">\n<div align=\"center\"><b>Reasons Why Cucumbers are Better than Beer<\/b><\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>Cucumbers won&#8217;t give you a hangover.<\/li>\n<li>Cucumbers have fewer calories.<\/li>\n<li>Your wife won&#8217;t complain about you sitting around all day watching TV and eating cucumbers.<\/li>\n<li>You can grow your own cucumbers without buying lots of equipment.<\/li>\n<li>Your wife won&#8217;t complain that your breath stinks of cucumbers.<\/li>\n<li>You can eat as many cucumbers as you like, and drive home later.<\/li>\n<li>You can open a cucumber using only your teeth.<\/li>\n<li>Having your face slashed with a cucumber doesn&#8217;t hurt (much).<\/li>\n<li>You can eat the whole cucumber, skin &#8216;n&#8217; all.<\/li>\n<li>A cucumber won&#8217;t shatter if you drop it on the ground.<\/li>\n<li>You can shake up a cucumber, and it won&#8217;t explode when you bite it.<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t have to worry about getting cucumber stains on your clothes.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<div align=\"center\">The cucumbers seem to take it on numbers. So why do I prefer beer?<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You can&#8217;t get drunk, no matter how many cucumbers you eat. Beer bottles don&#8217;t get sprayed with pesticides Beer bottles don&#8217;t shrivel up and grow mouldy if you leave them in the fridge for a month. Beer is always in season. Beer removes unsightly flab and wrinkles (on the person you&#8217;re looking at, if you [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpmdr_menu":1,"wpmdr_menu_extended":{"individualPostRemove":1,"individualPostRemoveDate":1,"individualPostRemoveAuthor":1,"individualPostYoastRemovePublished":1,"individualPostYoastRemoveModified":1},"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[220,465],"class_list":["post-1635","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-drinking","tag-beer","tag-cucumbers"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1635","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1635"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1635\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1635"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1635"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1635"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}