{"id":162,"date":"2014-12-21T14:21:43","date_gmt":"2014-12-21T14:21:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=162"},"modified":"2014-12-21T14:21:43","modified_gmt":"2014-12-21T14:21:43","slug":"signs-youre-at-an-aol-theme-park","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=162","title":{"rendered":"Signs You&#8217;re at an AOL Theme Park"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>&#8220;Twice as many rides &#8212; all 40% slower!!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>The neighboring &#8220;Microsoft Theme Park&#8221; keeps trying to connect up its carriages to your cash register.<\/li>\n<li>The really good rides you keep hearing about aren&#8217;t accessible at all.<\/li>\n<li>Your ticket is good for &#8220;500 free hours!&#8221; but the fine print reminds you that all free hours must be used today.<\/li>\n<li>The sign outside the bigtop tent reads, &#8220;We&#8217;re sorry, all circus are busy right now.  Please come back later.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Ride attendants keep insisting they&#8217;re busty young vixens despite the fact that they&#8217;re all over 40, dirty, and male.<\/li>\n<li>None of the rides work, but big color pictures make it easy to find your way around.<\/li>\n<li>A spiffy new look to the roller coaster since last time you visited, but it&#8217;s still just as rusty, squeaky and dangerous.<\/li>\n<li>Even though you&#8217;ve paid your monthly entrance fee, you can&#8217;t get into the park any time except between midnight and six a.m.<\/li>\n<li>Ten million visitors a day, and all they want to do is ride the merry-go-round.<\/li>\n<li>The entire park is run by monkeys chained to typewriters.<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;re visitor number 1,267,866 in a park that only has room for 2350.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;We&#8217;re sorry, but the &#8216;Mr. Case&#8217;s Obscenely Long Ride Line&#8217; ride is unavailable.  Please try again soon.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>IT&#8217;S AN ALL-CAPS WORLD AFTER ALL!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&#8220;Twice as many rides &#8212; all 40% slower!!&#8221; The neighboring &#8220;Microsoft Theme Park&#8221; keeps trying to connect up its carriages to your cash register. The really good rides you keep hearing about aren&#8217;t accessible at all. Your ticket is good for &#8220;500 free hours!&#8221; but the fine print reminds you that all free hours must [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[145,406,924],"class_list":["post-162","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-aol","tag-aol","tag-computer","tag-lists"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/162","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=162"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/162\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=162"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=162"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=162"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}