{"id":1596,"date":"2014-12-31T22:02:26","date_gmt":"2014-12-31T20:02:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=1596"},"modified":"2014-12-31T22:02:26","modified_gmt":"2014-12-31T20:02:26","slug":"how-to-photograph-a-new-puppy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1596","title":{"rendered":"How to Photograph a New Puppy"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Remove film from box and load camera.<\/li>\n<li>Remove film box from puppy&#8217;s mouth and throw in trash.<\/li>\n<li>Remove puppy from trash, brush coffee grounds from muzzle.<\/li>\n<li>Choose a suitable background for photo.<\/li>\n<li>Mount camera on tripod and focus.<\/li>\n<li>Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.<\/li>\n<li>Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.<\/li>\n<li>Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.<\/li>\n<li>Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.<\/li>\n<li>Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.<\/li>\n<li>Put cat outside, put peroxide on the scratch on puppy&#8217;s nose.<\/li>\n<li>Put magazines back on coffee table.<\/li>\n<li>Try to get puppy&#8217;s attention by squeaking toy over your head.<\/li>\n<li>Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.<\/li>\n<li>Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, &#8220;No, outside! No, outside!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Clean up mess.<\/li>\n<li>Sit back in chair with lemonade and resolve to teach puppy &#8220;sit&#8221; and &#8220;stay&#8221; soon.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Remove film from box and load camera. Remove film box from puppy&#8217;s mouth and throw in trash. Remove puppy from trash, brush coffee grounds from muzzle. Choose a suitable background for photo. Mount camera on tripod and focus. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[19],"tags":[1161,1214],"class_list":["post-1596","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dogs","tag-photograph","tag-puppy"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1596","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1596"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1596\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1596"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1596"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1596"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}