{"id":1588,"date":"2014-12-31T21:52:47","date_gmt":"2014-12-31T19:52:47","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=1588"},"modified":"2014-12-31T21:52:47","modified_gmt":"2014-12-31T19:52:47","slug":"dog-pet-peeves","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1588","title":{"rendered":"Dog Pet Peeves"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping.<\/li>\n<li>Blaming your farts on me&#8230;not funny.<\/li>\n<li>Yelling at me for barking&#8230;I&#8217;M A FRIGGIN&#8217; DOG YOU IDIOT!!<\/li>\n<li>How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn&#8217;t all over everything while you&#8217;re gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat butt?)<\/li>\n<li>Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly who&#8217;s walk is this anyway?<\/li>\n<li>Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose&#8230;stop it.<\/li>\n<li>Yelling at me for rubbing my ass on your carpet&#8230;Why&#8217;d you buy carpet?<\/li>\n<li>Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry but I haven&#8217;t quite mastered that handshake thing yet&#8230;idiot.<\/li>\n<li>How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you&#8217;re just jealous.<\/li>\n<li>Dog sweaters? &#8230;&#8230; Have you noticed the fur?&#8230;.. Imbecile.<\/li>\n<li>Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. (Now you know why we chew your shit up when you&#8217;re not home.)<\/li>\n<li>When you pick up the crap piles in the yard. Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?<\/li>\n<li>Taking me to the vet for &#8220;the big snip&#8221;, then acting surprised when I freak out everytime we go back.<\/li>\n<li>The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain, you nitwit.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>When you run away in the middle of a perfectly good leg humping. Blaming your farts on me&#8230;not funny. Yelling at me for barking&#8230;I&#8217;M A FRIGGIN&#8217; DOG YOU IDIOT!! How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn&#8217;t all over everything while you&#8217;re gone. (Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[19],"tags":[309,1144],"class_list":["post-1588","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dogs","tag-canine","tag-peeves"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1588","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1588"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1588\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1588"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1588"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1588"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}