{"id":1511,"date":"2014-12-31T19:50:43","date_gmt":"2014-12-31T17:50:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=1511"},"modified":"2014-12-31T19:50:43","modified_gmt":"2014-12-31T17:50:43","slug":"marriage-definitions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1511","title":{"rendered":"Marriage Definitions"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<p><li>Bachelor<br \/>\nA guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable.<br \/>\nA guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.<br \/>\nA man who never makes the same mistake once.<br \/>\nA nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony.<br \/>\nA person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.<br \/>\nThe only man who has never told his wife a lie.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Bride<br \/>\nA woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Compromise<br \/>\nAn amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Diplomat<br \/>\nA man who can convince his wife she would look fat in a fur coat.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Gentleman<br \/>\nA husband who steadies the stepladder so that his wife will not fall while she paints the ceiling.<br \/>\nA man who, when his wife drops her knitting, kicks it over to her so that she can easily pick it up.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Housework<br \/>\nWhat the wife does that nobody notices until she doesn&#8217;t do it.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Husband<br \/>\nA man who gives up privileges he never realized he had.<br \/>\nA person who is the boss of his house and has his wife&#8217;s permission to say so.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Joint Checking Account<br \/>\nA handy little device which permits the wife to beat the husband to the draw.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Love<br \/>\nAn obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Miss<br \/>\nA title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the  market.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Mistress<br \/>\nSomething between a mister and a mattress.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Mother-in-Law<br \/>\nA woman who destroys her son-in-law&#8217;s peace of mind by giving him a piece of  hers.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Mrs.<br \/>\nA job title involving heavy duties, light earnings, and no recognition.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Spouse<br \/>\nSomeone who will stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn&#8217;t have had if you&#8217;d stayed single in the first place.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Wife<br \/>\nA mate who is forever complaining about not having anything to wear at the very same time that she complains about not having enough room in the closet.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Bachelor A guy who has avoided the opportunity to make some woman miserable. A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free. A man who never makes the same mistake once. A nice guy who has cheated some nice girl out of her alimony. A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit. The [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[492,965],"class_list":["post-1511","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dictionaries","tag-definitions","tag-marriage"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1511","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1511"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1511\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1511"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1511"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1511"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}