{"id":1500,"date":"2014-12-31T19:39:38","date_gmt":"2014-12-31T17:39:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=1500"},"modified":"2014-12-31T19:39:38","modified_gmt":"2014-12-31T17:39:38","slug":"government-contracting-glossary","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1500","title":{"rendered":"Government Contracting Glossary"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Contractor<br \/>\nA gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.<\/li>\n<p><li>Bid Opening<br \/>\nA poker game in which the losing hand wins.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Bid<br \/>\nA wild guess carried out to two decimal places.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Low Bidder<br \/>\nA contractor who is wondering what he left out of his bid.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Engineer&#8217;s Estimate<br \/>\nThe cost of construction in heaven.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Project Manager<br \/>\nThe conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Critical Path Method<br \/>\nA management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>OSHA<br \/>\nA protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs and baloney; usually applied at random with a shotgun.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Strike<br \/>\nAn effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Delayed Payment<br \/>\nA tourniquet applied at the pockets.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Completion Date<br \/>\nThe point at which liquidated damages begin.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Liquidated Damages<br \/>\nA penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Auditor<br \/>\nPerson who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Lawyer<br \/>\nPerson who goes in after the auditors to strip the bodies.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Contractor A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal. Bid Opening A poker game in which the losing hand wins. Bid A wild guess carried out to two decimal places. Low Bidder A contractor who is wondering what he left out of his bid. Engineer&#8217;s Estimate The cost of construction in heaven. Project [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpmdr_menu":1,"wpmdr_menu_extended":{"individualPostRemove":1,"individualPostRemoveDate":1,"individualPostRemoveAuthor":1,"individualPostYoastRemovePublished":1,"individualPostYoastRemoveModified":1},"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[430,492,733],"class_list":["post-1500","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dictionaries","tag-contracting","tag-definitions","tag-government"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1500","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1500"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1500\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1500"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1500"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1500"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}