{"id":1469,"date":"2014-12-31T01:34:39","date_gmt":"2014-12-30T23:34:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=1469"},"modified":"2014-12-31T01:34:39","modified_gmt":"2014-12-30T23:34:39","slug":"glossary-of-computer-terms","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1469","title":{"rendered":"Glossary of Computer Terms"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>640K barrier &#8212; the finish line in a mega-marathon<\/li>\n<li>access time &#8212; foreplay<\/li>\n<li>analog &#8212; what Ana tosses into the fire<\/li>\n<li>assembly language &#8212; put tab A into slot B, then put tab C&#8230;<\/li>\n<li>audit trail &#8212; what the IRS does\n<li>Bandwidth &#8212; limited by the size of the stage<\/li>\n<li>BBS &#8212; going in reverse in a golf cart<\/li>\n<li>benchmark &#8212; t-telling t-tall s-stories&nbsp;<\/li>\n<li>Battery Backup &#8212; what happens when your saw hits the bench<\/li>\n<li>broadband &#8212; an all female rock group<\/li>\n<li>cache memory &#8212; remembering how much you spent<\/li>\n<li>carrier detect &#8212; &#8220;I see the mail man!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>CASE &#8212; 24 bottles<\/li>\n<li>Control Character &#8212; prison guard<\/li>\n<li>conventional memory &#8212; remembering what you did at COMDEX<\/li>\n<li>copy protection &#8212; wearing a rubber<\/li>\n<li>copyright &#8212; vs. copy wrong<\/li>\n<li>cursor &#8212; a garbage mouth<\/li>\n<li>daisy chain &#8212; a dog&#8217;s leash<\/li>\n<li>DAT &#8212; the opposite of DIS<\/li>\n<li>deadly embrace &#8212; making love to King Kong<\/li>\n<li>delimiter &#8212; some who says, &#8220;Stop, that&#8217;s enough&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>density &#8212; how to measure IQs of blondes<\/li>\n<li>dhrystones &#8212; the stones that were tossed out of the water<\/li>\n<li>DIP switch &#8212; how my sister gets a new boy friend<\/li>\n<li>dot pitch &#8212; &#8220;Dorothy winds ups, and delivers a knuckle ball&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>EDCDIC &#8212; similar to herpes<\/li>\n<li>EMS &#8212; happens just before PMS<\/li>\n<li>end user &#8212; a prisoner&#8217;s cell mate<\/li>\n<li>escape sequence &#8212; Distract guard. Dig tunnel. Cut through fence&#8230;<\/li>\n<li>Ethernet &#8212; used to catch Ether<\/li>\n<li>fixed disk &#8212; a broken disk that comes back from the shop<\/li>\n<li>flash EPROM &#8212; what they have on 90210 (Flashy Proms)<\/li>\n<li>flat bed scanner &#8212; a hooker looking for loose change<\/li>\n<li>flat file &#8212; a file with all the air out of it<\/li>\n<li>full duplex &#8212; a 2-family house with 16 occupants<\/li>\n<li>groupware &#8212; clothes swapping<\/li>\n<li>hacker &#8212; a heavy smoker<\/li>\n<li>half-height drive &#8212; a midget&#8217;s sexual capacity<\/li>\n<li>hand scanner &#8212; singles bar prowler looking for wedding rings<\/li>\n<li>heap &#8212; what I drive<\/li>\n<li>high density diskette &#8212; a very stupid floppy<\/li>\n<li>home computer &#8212; what you tell your computer when it follows you<\/li>\n<li>hypertext &#8212; text on amphetamines<\/li>\n<li>ink jet &#8212; a plan used for sky writing<\/li>\n<p><li>integrated circuit &#8212;<br \/>\na circuit with black &amp; white components<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>joystick &#8212; (requires little explanation)<\/li>\n<li>local bus &#8212; stops at every intersection<\/li>\n<li>lost chains &#8212; euphoria experienced by the recently divorced<\/li>\n<li>low-level language &#8212; for basement programmers<\/li>\n<li>high-level language &#8212; for penthouse programmers<\/li>\n<li>machine dependency &#8212; an affliction of machine users<\/li>\n<li>mag tape &#8212; tape used on the wheels of cars<\/li>\n<li>mainframe &#8212; akin to &#8220;main squeeze&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>main memory &#8212; remembering where the water line is<\/li>\n<li>math coprocessor &#8212; the person you cheated from in math class<\/li>\n<li>megaflop &#8212; the worst play you ever saw<\/li>\n<li>minicomputer &#8212; the mate to Mickey&#8217;s computer<\/li>\n<li>modem &#8212; what the gardener did to the lawns<\/li>\n<li>multi-sync &#8212; can be sunk more than once<\/li>\n<li>native mode &#8212; head hunting<\/li>\n<li>on-line &#8212; where the birds sit<\/li>\n<li>overlay &#8212; chickens making too many eggs<\/li>\n<li>pentium &#8212; the thing that swings back-and-forth on a clock<\/li>\n<li>plotter &#8212; a deceitful person<\/li>\n<li>postscript &#8212; grafitti on a pole<\/li>\n<li>protected memory &#8212; remembering to wear a condom<\/li>\n<li>record locking &#8212; what you do to your Beatles White Album<\/li>\n<li>right justified &#8212; vs. wrong justified<\/li>\n<li>software piracy &#8212; stealing a ship&#8217;s program<\/li>\n<li>spreadsheet &#8212; a hooker&#8217;s foreplay<\/li>\n<li>streaming tape &#8212; party decorations<\/li>\n<li>subroutine &#8212; not quite routine<\/li>\n<li>surge protector &#8212; a condom<\/li>\n<li>token ring &#8212; a group of people passing the bong<\/li>\n<li>trackball &#8212; what sprinters and runners often get<\/li>\n<li>twisted pair &#8212; tubes tied<\/li>\n<li>word wrap &#8212; black music<\/li>\n<li>worksheet &#8212; a prostitute&#8217;s office<\/li>\n<li>Ymodem &#8212; because, modem<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>640K barrier &#8212; the finish line in a mega-marathon access time &#8212; foreplay analog &#8212; what Ana tosses into the fire assembly language &#8212; put tab A into slot B, then put tab C&#8230; audit trail &#8212; what the IRS does Bandwidth &#8212; limited by the size of the stage BBS &#8212; going in reverse [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[406,492],"class_list":["post-1469","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dictionaries","tag-computer","tag-definitions"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1469","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1469"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1469\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1469"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1469"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1469"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}