{"id":1467,"date":"2014-12-31T01:07:19","date_gmt":"2014-12-30T23:07:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=1467"},"modified":"2014-12-31T01:07:19","modified_gmt":"2014-12-30T23:07:19","slug":"computer-definitions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1467","title":{"rendered":"Computer Definitions"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Alpha<br \/>\nSoftware undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for &#8220;doesn&#8217;t work.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Beta<br \/>\nSoftware undergoes beta testing shortly before it&#8217;s released. Beta is Latin for &#8220;still doesn&#8217;t work.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>CPU<br \/>\nCentral Propulsion Unit. The CPU is the computer&#8217;s engine. It consists of a hard drive, RAM, interface cards, and a tiny spinning wheel that&#8217;s powered by a running rodent &#8211; a gerbil if the machine is an old 486 and a ferret if it&#8217;s a Pentium.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Default Directory<br \/>\nBlack hole. The default directory is where all files that you need disappear to.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Error message<br \/>\nTerse, baffling remark used by programmers to place blame on users for the program&#8217;s shortcomings.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>File<br \/>\nA document that has been saved with an unidentifiable name. It helps to think of a file as something stored in a file cabinet &#8211; except when you try to remove the file, the cabinet gives you an electric shock and tells you the file format is unknown.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Hardware<br \/>\nCollective term for any computer related object that can be kicked or battered.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Help<br \/>\nThe feature that assists in generating more questions. When the Help feature is used correctly, users are able to navigate through a series of Help screens and end up where they started from without learning anything.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Input\/output<br \/>\nInformation is input from the keyboard as intelligible data and output to the printer as unrecognizable junk.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Interim Release<br \/>\nA programmer&#8217;s feeble attempt at repentance.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Memory<br \/>\nOf computer components, the most generous in terms of variety, and the skimpiest in terms of quantity.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Printer<br \/>\nA joke in poor taste. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray, and the blinking red light.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Programmers<br \/>\nComputer avengers. Once members of that group of high school nerds who wore tape on their glasses, played Dungeons and Dragons, and memorized Star Trek episodes; now millionaires who create &#8220;user-friendly&#8221; software to get revenge on whoever gave them noogies.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>RAM<br \/>\nFuzzy creature with horns that likes to eat. The rodent is NOT a fitness buff. It&#8217;s running to get away from the bytes of the RAM.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Reference Manual<br \/>\nObject that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Scheduled Release Date<br \/>\nA carefully calculated date determined by estimating the actual shipping date and subtracting 6 months from it.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>User-friendly<br \/>\nOf or pertaining to any feature, device, or concept that makes perfect sense to a programmer.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Users<br \/>\nCollective term for those who stare vacantly at a monitor. Users are divided into three types &#8211; novice, intermediate, and expert.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Novice users: People who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.<\/li>\n<li>Intermediate users: People who don&#8217;t know how to fix their computer after they&#8217;ve just pressed a key that broke it.<\/li>\n<li>Expert users: People who break other people&#8217;s computers.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Alpha Software undergoes alpha testing as a first step in getting user feedback. Alpha is Latin for &#8220;doesn&#8217;t work.&#8221; Beta Software undergoes beta testing shortly before it&#8217;s released. Beta is Latin for &#8220;still doesn&#8217;t work.&#8221; CPU Central Propulsion Unit. The CPU is the computer&#8217;s engine. It consists of a hard drive, RAM, interface cards, and [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[406,492],"class_list":["post-1467","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dictionaries","tag-computer","tag-definitions"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1467","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1467"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1467\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1467"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1467"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1467"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}