{"id":146,"date":"2014-12-21T14:03:03","date_gmt":"2014-12-21T14:03:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=146"},"modified":"2014-12-21T14:03:03","modified_gmt":"2014-12-21T14:03:03","slug":"new-aol-messages","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=146","title":{"rendered":"New AOL Messages"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>For those of you not on AOL &#8211; AOL puts up a message when you&#8217;ve been online for 46 minutes making sure you are really there and active.<\/p>\n<p><UL><\/p>\n<li>You have been online for 46 minutes.<br \/>\nDo you want to stay online?<br \/>\nPlease respond within 10 min. or you will be logged off.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>You have been online for 135 minutes.<br \/>\nNot to put any pressure on you, but there ARE other people in the world who would like to sign on.<br \/>\nLet&#8217;s show some sorry consideration for our fellow members and sign off, whaddya say?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>You DO realize that you&#8217;ve been online for 184 minutes, right?<br \/>\nWhen was the last time you went outside?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>OK. This is getting ridiculous.<br \/>\nFrankly, you&#8217;re starting to piss us off!<br \/>\nIf you sign off now, we&#8217;ll bring back your Buddy List OK?<br \/>\nYep, Finally<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>You have been online for 360 minutes now!!<br \/>\nWe promised you unlimited time, we know,<br \/>\nbut can&#8217;t you just finish up NOW and go read a good book?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>You have been online for 467 minutes.<br \/>\nDo you remember your family members&#8217; names?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>You have been online for 513 minutes.<br \/>\nYour husband has left you and your dog is starving.<br \/>\nDo you wish to remain online?<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>You have been online 724 minutes.<br \/>\nSteve Case is coming personally to your house to yank the phone cord&#8230;.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>You have been online 852 minutes,<br \/>\ndo you KNOW how many HOURS that is???&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>You have been online for 921 minutes.<br \/>\nDo you realize that AOL averages 921 complaints per hour about busy phone lines?<br \/>\nDo you realize that AOL receives 9.21 lawsuits per day due to busy phone lines?<br \/>\nPlease sign-off to reduce these averages, or go to keyword: CLASS ACTION to join a lawsuit.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>You have been online for 967 minutes.<br \/>\nWhen AOL went unlimited they didn&#8217;t think you would take it literally.<br \/>\nNow get the H*ll off before we go broke!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>You have been on 1,013 minutes.<br \/>\nThis is Steve I need to sign on m&#8217;self and answer some mail.<br \/>\nCould you please sign off? Thanks!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>You have been cybering for 1059 minutes.<br \/>\nDidn&#8217;t your mom ever tell you that&#8217;d make you go blind?<br \/>\nPlease sign off now while you can still read this message.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>You have been on 1105 minutes.<br \/>\nAre you and your family chatting in shifts?<br \/>\nGeez click ok already!!!<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>You have been on 1151 minutes.<br \/>\nWelcome to our team&#8230;<br \/>\n&#8230;see job application enclosed, (If you can&#8217;t beat em hire &#8217;em)<br \/>\nbut don&#8217;t return by email.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>For those of you not on AOL &#8211; AOL puts up a message when you&#8217;ve been online for 46 minutes making sure you are really there and active. You have been online for 46 minutes. Do you want to stay online? Please respond within 10 min. or you will be logged off. You have been [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpmdr_menu":1,"wpmdr_menu_extended":{"individualPostRemove":1,"individualPostRemoveDate":1,"individualPostRemoveAuthor":1,"individualPostYoastRemovePublished":1,"individualPostYoastRemoveModified":1},"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[145,406],"class_list":["post-146","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-aol","tag-aol","tag-computer"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/146","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=146"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/146\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=146"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=146"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=146"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}