{"id":1450,"date":"2014-12-31T00:00:26","date_gmt":"2014-12-30T22:00:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=1450"},"modified":"2014-12-31T00:00:26","modified_gmt":"2014-12-30T22:00:26","slug":"a-mothers-dictionary","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1450","title":{"rendered":"A Mother&#8217;s Dictionary"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Amnesia<br \/>\nA condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Bottle<br \/>\nAn opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am to do the feeding<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Defense<br \/>\nWhat you&#8217;d better have around the yard if you&#8217;re going to let de children play outside.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Drooling<br \/>\nHow teething babies wash their chins.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Dumbwaiter<br \/>\nOne who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Family<br \/>\nThe art of spacing your children the proper planning distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Feedback<br \/>\nThe inevitable result when the baby doesn&#8217;t appreciate the strained carrots.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Full Name<br \/>\nWhat you call your child when you&#8217;re mad at him.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Grandparents<br \/>\nThe people who think your children are wonderful even though they&#8217;re sure you&#8217;re not raising them right.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Hearsay<br \/>\nWhat toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Impregnable<br \/>\nA woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Independent<br \/>\nHow we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Look Out!<br \/>\nWhat it&#8217;s too late for your child to do by the time you scream it<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Prenatal<br \/>\nWhen your life was still somewhat your own.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Prepared<br \/>\nA contradiction in terms, especially in terms of childbirth<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Puddle<br \/>\nA small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Show Off<br \/>\nA child who is more talented than yours.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Sterilize<br \/>\nWhat you do to your first baby&#8217;s pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby&#8217;s pacifier by blowing on it<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Storeroom<br \/>\nThe distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can&#8217;t quite reach anything.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Temper Tantrums<br \/>\nWhat you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Top Bunk<br \/>\nWhere you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Verbal<br \/>\nAble to whine in words<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Weaker Sex<br \/>\nThe kind you have after the kids have worn you out.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Whodunit<br \/>\nNone of the kids that live in your house.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Whoops<br \/>\nAn exclamation that translates roughly into &#8220;get a sponge.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Amnesia A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again. Bottle An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am to do the feeding Defense What you&#8217;d better have around the yard if you&#8217;re going to let de children play outside. Drooling How teething babies wash their chins. Dumbwaiter [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[492,1037],"class_list":["post-1450","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-dictionaries","tag-definitions","tag-mother"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1450","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1450"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1450\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1450"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1450"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1450"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}