{"id":1412,"date":"2014-12-30T00:22:18","date_gmt":"2014-12-29T22:22:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=1412"},"modified":"2014-12-30T00:22:18","modified_gmt":"2014-12-29T22:22:18","slug":"signs-your-divorce-isnt-going-well","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1412","title":{"rendered":"Signs Your Divorce Isn&#8217;t Going Well"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><UL><br \/>\n<LI>Since his recent divorce, your lawyer has been using his car for an office.<\/LI><\/p>\n<li>Your spouse&#8217;s lawyer has suddenly taken to lighting his cigarettes with twenties.<\/LI>\n<li>The judge is seriously considering your spouse&#8217;s request for custody of your immortal soul.<\/LI>\n<li>Your spouse&#8217;s attorney is seeking the death penalty.<\/LI>\n<li>Your husband has been granted temporary custody of one of your implants.<\/LI>\n<li>Your mother&#8217;s name appears on your wife&#8217;s witness list.<\/LI>\n<li>Given the choice, your penis opts to live with her.<\/LI>\n<li>Your portion of the settlement so far: The Commodore 64, the Chia pets and the Wham! CD collection.<\/LI>\n<li>Jerry Springer cancelled your appearance, citing &#8220;Safety Concerns.&#8221;<\/LI>\n<li>You discover that Judge Jacques&#8217; last name is actually *not* pronounced &#8220;Jack-ass.&#8221;<\/LI>\n<li>In her search for hidden assets, your wife hires a proctologist.<\/LI>\n<li>Your half of the dog arrives postage due.<\/LI>\n<li>Johnnie Cochran&#8217;s closing argument:  &#8220;If dad goes gay, he&#8217;s got to pay!&#8221;<\/LI>\n<p><li>During the pre-trial conference, the judge brings your wife to orgasm with his toe under the conference table.<\/LI><br \/>\n<\/UL><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Since his recent divorce, your lawyer has been using his car for an office. Your spouse&#8217;s lawyer has suddenly taken to lighting his cigarettes with twenties. The judge is seriously considering your spouse&#8217;s request for custody of your immortal soul. Your spouse&#8217;s attorney is seeking the death penalty. Your husband has been granted temporary custody [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[36],"tags":[275,524,924],"class_list":["post-1412","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-men-vs-womendating","tag-breakup","tag-divorce","tag-lists"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1412","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1412"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1412\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1412"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1412"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1412"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}