{"id":136,"date":"2014-12-21T13:47:31","date_gmt":"2014-12-21T13:47:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=136"},"modified":"2014-12-21T13:47:31","modified_gmt":"2014-12-21T13:47:31","slug":"if-aol-was-a-city","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=136","title":{"rendered":"If AOL Was a City&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>You&#8217;d live in a place where no two people had the same name.<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;d only pay $21.95 a month to live there, but half the time you tried to leave your house, the door would be stuck. <\/li>\n<li>Once you got outside, even if you were in a hurry, you&#8217;d be assaulted by slimy little door-to-door sales creeps offering you great AOL 56K modems for only $399.99. <\/li>\n<li>The commute to work is just a double-click away, but every time you try to leave your driveway, the flow of traffic knocks you back into your yard.<\/li>\n<li>The local post office would tell your mother you&#8217;re not a known resident.<\/li>\n<li>The local post office won&#8217;t forward your mail to you when you move.<\/li>\n<li>If you saw a crime and called 911, they&#8217;d reply a week later with a form letter saying how you &#8216;really are important to us.&#8217;<\/li>\n<li>Every time you went shopping, you&#8217;d be kicked out of the store by a bouncer screaming, &#8216;WE&#8217;RE SORRY, THIS STORE IS TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE.&#8217;<\/li>\n<li>Whenever you traveled to other cities, people would see your license tag and laugh at you, behind your back.<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;d occasionally be sent home during your day by another bouncer telling you that the city has performed an illegal operation.<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;d not have any idea who your neighbors are, and most new arrivals would move in at night, stuff everyone&#8217;s mailbox with garbage, and vacate before sun-up.<\/li>\n<li>The administration would build a huge, state of the art park, and allow the kids to play there free, then suddenly start demanding money. <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You&#8217;d live in a place where no two people had the same name. You&#8217;d only pay $21.95 a month to live there, but half the time you tried to leave your house, the door would be stuck. Once you got outside, even if you were in a hurry, you&#8217;d be assaulted by slimy little door-to-door [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[145,406,924],"class_list":["post-136","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-aol","tag-aol","tag-computer","tag-lists"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/136","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=136"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/136\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=136"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=136"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=136"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}