{"id":1353,"date":"2014-12-28T18:02:00","date_gmt":"2014-12-28T16:02:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=1353"},"modified":"2014-12-28T18:02:00","modified_gmt":"2014-12-28T16:02:00","slug":"buying-gifts-for-men","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1353","title":{"rendered":"Buying Gifts for Men"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><P>Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.<\/P><br \/>\n<UL><\/p>\n<li>Rule #1: When in doubt &#8211; buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.<\/li>\n<li>Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it. Men love saying those two words. &#8220;Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?&#8221; &#8220;OK. By the way, are you through with my 3\/8-inch socket yet?&#8221; Again, no one knows why.<\/li>\n<li>Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car. A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.<\/li>\n<li>Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes. If God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn&#8217;t have invented Jockey shorts.<\/li>\n<li>Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out. If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner. Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.<\/li>\n<li>Rule #6: Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs. If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.<\/li>\n<li>Rule #7: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant. Real men do not stink &#8211; they are earthy.<\/li>\n<li>Rule #8: Buy men label makers. Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere. &#8220;Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink.&#8221; You get the idea. No one knows why.<\/li>\n<li>Rule #9: Never buy a man anything that says &#8220;some assembly required&#8221; on the box. It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.<\/li>\n<li>Rule #10: Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. (NAPA Auto Parts and Sear&#8217;s Clearance Centers are also excellent men&#8217;s stores. It doesn&#8217;t matter if he doesn&#8217;t know what it is. &#8220;From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn&#8217;t this a starter for a &#8217;68 Ford Fairlane? Wow! Thanks.&#8221;)<\/li>\n<li>Rule #11: Men enjoy danger. That&#8217;s why they never cook &#8211; but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. &#8220;Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Rule #12: Tickets to a Red Wing\/Lions\/Pistons\/Tigers game are a smart gift.  However, he will not appreciate tickets to &#8220;A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts.&#8221; Everyone knows why.<\/li>\n<li>Rule #13: Men love chainsaws. Never, ever, buy a man you love a chainsaw. If you don&#8217;t know why &#8211; please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.<\/li>\n<li>Rule #14: It&#8217;s hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder. Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.<\/li>\n<li>Rule #15: Rope. Men love rope. It takes them back to their cowboy origins, or at least the Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3\/8&#8243; manila rope.  No one knows why.<\/li>\n<p><\/UL><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems. Rule #1: When in doubt &#8211; buy him a cordless drill. It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[716,991],"class_list":["post-1353","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-for-men","tag-gifts","tag-men"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1353","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1353"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1353\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1353"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1353"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1353"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}