{"id":1300,"date":"2014-12-28T00:46:23","date_gmt":"2014-12-27T22:46:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=1300"},"modified":"2014-12-28T00:46:23","modified_gmt":"2014-12-27T22:46:23","slug":"if-men-ruled-the-world","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1300","title":{"rendered":"If Men Ruled The World"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.<\/li>\n<li>Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response To &#8220;I love you.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she&#8217;d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.<\/li>\n<li>Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL Team of your choice.<\/li>\n<li>The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.<\/li>\n<li>At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you&#8217;d jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.<\/li>\n<li>Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the &#8220;public ugliness&#8221; ordinance.<\/li>\n<li>Tanks would be far easier to rent.<\/li>\n<li>Garbage would take itself out.<\/li>\n<li>Instead of beer belly, you&#8217;d get &#8220;beer biceps.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, &#8220;You&#8217;re #1!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Valentine&#8217;s Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. (Wouldn&#8217;t help &#8212; you STILL wouldn&#8217;t remember!)<\/li>\n<li>On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you&#8217;d get the day off. Mother&#8217;s Day, too.<\/li>\n<li>St. Patrick&#8217;s Day, however, would remain exactly the same.<\/li>\n<li>But it would be celebrated every month.<\/li>\n<li>Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing Cops. Or to the crooks.<\/li>\n<li>The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.<\/li>\n<li>Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.<\/li>\n<li>Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response To &#8220;I love you.&#8221; When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she&#8217;d appear in a little box in the corner of [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[621,991,1278],"class_list":["post-1300","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-for-men","tag-fantasy","tag-men","tag-rule-the-world"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1300","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1300"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1300\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1300"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1300"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1300"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}