{"id":1281,"date":"2014-12-27T18:21:53","date_gmt":"2014-12-27T16:21:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=1267"},"modified":"2014-12-27T18:21:53","modified_gmt":"2014-12-27T16:21:53","slug":"why-its-great-to-be-a-guy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1281","title":{"rendered":"Why It&#8217;s Great to be a Guy"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Phone conversations last 30 seconds.<\/li>\n<li>You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes.<\/li>\n<li>A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.<\/li>\n<li>Bathroom lines are 80% shorter.<\/li>\n<li>You can open all your own jars.<\/li>\n<li>Old friends don&#8217;t care if you&#8217;ve lost or gained weight.<\/li>\n<li>When clicking through the channels you don&#8217;t have to stop on every shot of someone crying.<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t have to lug a bag of &#8220;necessary&#8221; items with you everywhere you go.<\/li>\n<li>You can go to the bathroom alone.<\/li>\n<li>Your last name stays put.<\/li>\n<li>You can leave a hotel room bed unmade.<\/li>\n<li>You can kill your own food.<\/li>\n<li>The garage is all yours.<\/li>\n<li>You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.<\/li>\n<li>You see the humor in &#8220;Terms of Endearment.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Cleaning the toilet is optional.<\/li>\n<li>You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.<\/li>\n<li>Wedding plans take care of themselves.<\/li>\n<li>If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be your friend.<\/li>\n<li>Your underwear costs $7.50 for a pack of 3.<\/li>\n<li>None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t have to shave below your neck.<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t have to curl up next to some big, hairy guy every night.<\/li>\n<li>If you&#8217;re 34 and single, no one notices.<\/li>\n<li>Chocolate is just another snack.<\/li>\n<li>You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.<\/li>\n<li>Flowers and\/or Duct Tape fix everything.<\/li>\n<li>You never have to worry about other&#8217;s feelings.<\/li>\n<li>Three pair of shoes are more than enough.<\/li>\n<li>You can say anything and not worry about what people think.<\/li>\n<li>You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.<\/li>\n<li>Car mechanics tell you the truth.<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t care if someone doesn&#8217;t notice your new haircut.<\/li>\n<li>You can watch a game in silence for hours without your buddy thinking, &#8220;He must be mad at me.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>One mood, all the time.<\/li>\n<li>You can admire Clint Eastwood without having to starve yourself to look like him.<\/li>\n<li>Gray hair and wrinkles add character.<\/li>\n<li>Wedding dress $2000, Tux rental $100 bucks.<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t care if someone is talking behind your back.<\/li>\n<li>You don&#8217;t pass on the dessert and then mooch off someone else&#8217;s.<\/li>\n<li>The remote is yours and yours alone.<\/li>\n<li>You need not pretend you&#8217;re &#8220;freshening up&#8221; when you go to the bathroom.<\/li>\n<li>If you don&#8217;t call your buddy when you said you would, he won&#8217;t tell your friends you&#8217;ve changed.<\/li>\n<li>If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.<\/li>\n<li>The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.<\/li>\n<li>If something mechanical didn&#8217;t work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.<\/li>\n<li>New shoes don&#8217;t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.<\/li>\n<li>You think the idea of punting that small, ankle-biting dog is funny.<\/li>\n<li>If you retain water, it is in a canteen.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Phone conversations last 30 seconds. You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes. A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase. Bathroom lines are 80% shorter. You can open all your own jars. Old friends don&#8217;t care if you&#8217;ve lost or gained weight. When clicking through the channels you don&#8217;t have to stop on every [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[924,991],"class_list":["post-1281","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-for-men","tag-lists","tag-men"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1281","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1281"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1281\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1281"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1281"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1281"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}