I’m glad I’m a woman, yes I am, yes I am
\nI don’t live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam
\nI don’t brag to my buddies about my erections
\nI won’t drive to Hell before I ask for directions
\nI don’t get wasted at parties and act like a clown
\nand I know how to put the damned toilet seat down!<\/p>\n
I won’t grab your hooters, I won’t pinch your butt
\nmy belt buckle’s not hidden beneath my beer gut
\nand I don’t go around “readjusting” my crotch
\nor yell like Tarzan when my head-board gets a notch
\nI don’t belch in public, I don’t scratch my behind
\nI’m a woman you see — I’m just not that kind!<\/p>\n
I’m glad I’m a woman, I’m so glad I could sing
\nI don’t have body hair like shag carpeting
\nIt doesn’t grow from my ears or cover my back
\nWhen I lean over you can’t see 3 inches of crack
\nAnd what’s on my head doesn’t leave with my comb
\nI’ll never buy a toupee to cover my dome
\nOr have a few hairs pulled from over the side
\nI’m a woman, you know — I’ve got far too much pride!<\/p>\n
And I honestly think its a privilege for me
\nto have these two boobs and squat when I pee
\nI don’t live to play golf and shoot basketball
\nI don’t swagger and spit like a Neanderthal
\nI won’t tell you my wife just does not understand
\nstick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band
\nor tell you a story to make you sigh and weep
\nthen screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!<\/p>\n
Yes, I’m glad I’m a woman, a woman you see
\nyou can forget all about that old penis envy
\nI don’t long for male bonding, I don’t cruise for chicks
\njoin the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick
\nI’m a woman by chance and I’m thankful it’s true
\nI’m so glad I’m a woman and not a man like you!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I’m glad I’m a woman, yes I am, yes I am I don’t live off of Budweiser, beer nuts and Spam I don’t brag to my buddies about my erections I won’t drive to Hell before I ask for directions I don’t get wasted at parties and act like a clown and I know how […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[26],"tags":[722,1172,1536],"class_list":["post-1274","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-for-women","tag-glad","tag-poetry","tag-women"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1274","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1274"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1274\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1274"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1274"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1274"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}