Everyday I give thanks to God
\nI was born a man instead of a broad
\nWhen Oprah comes on, I turn off the TV
\nI don’t shave my legs, I stand up to pee
\nI go to a barber, not a beauty salon
\nDon’t pluck out my eyebrows just to draw them back on
\nDon’t wax my pubes so I can wear shorts
\nI use my turn signal, I understand sports<\/p>\n
Man, I’m glad I’m a man, man
\nTell you the reason I am
\nI don’t go through a faze every 28 days
\nMan, I’m glad I’m a man<\/p>\n
Don’t take a lot of friends when I go the the john
\nI don’t throw a fit when I break a nail
\nI don’t buy a lot of shoes just because they’re on sale
\nI don’t apply makeup in my rear-view mirror
\nI don’t think of Bambi when I’m out hunting deer
\nI drink beer from a bottle, not from a glass
\nI don’t ask my friends about the size of my ass<\/p>\n
Man, I’m glad I’m a man, man
\nTell you the reason I am
\nI don’t face the pain of water-weight gain
\nMan, I’m glad I’m a man<\/p>\n
Let me tell you ladies
\nListen to me ladies
\nI love those things inside of your blouse
\nI love your pretty faces
\nYour warm and soft embraces
\nBut if I had my own two boobs, I’d never leave the house
\nI don’t spend two hours getting ready for a date
\nI don’t play with dolls unless they inflate
\nWhen someone asks me my age, I never lie
\nAfter sex in bed, my spot’s always dry
\nI don’t read about orgasms in Vogue magazines
\nI don’t mind if my dates try to get in my jeans
\nI don’t spend a fortune on French lingerie
\nThis is the same underwear I wore yesterday<\/p>\n
Man, I’m glad I’m a man, man
\nTell you the reason I am
\nI don’t take a pill, I don’t use Massengill
\nMan, I’m glad I’m a man<\/p>\n
Man, I’m glad I’m a man, man
\nTell you the reason I am
\nI find Michael Bolton completely revoltin’
\nMan, I’m glad I’m a man.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Everyday I give thanks to God I was born a man instead of a broad When Oprah comes on, I turn off the TV I don’t shave my legs, I stand up to pee I go to a barber, not a beauty salon Don’t pluck out my eyebrows just to draw them back on Don’t […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpmdr_menu":1,"wpmdr_menu_extended":{"individualPostRemove":1,"individualPostRemoveDate":1,"individualPostRemoveAuthor":1,"individualPostYoastRemovePublished":1,"individualPostYoastRemoveModified":1},"footnotes":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[722,953],"class_list":["post-1273","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-for-men","tag-glad","tag-man"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1273","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1273"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1273\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1273"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1273"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1273"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}