{"id":126,"date":"2014-12-21T13:27:54","date_gmt":"2014-12-21T13:27:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=126"},"modified":"2014-12-21T13:27:54","modified_gmt":"2014-12-21T13:27:54","slug":"all-i-need-to-know-in-life-i-learned-from-the-x-files","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=126","title":{"rendered":"All I Need to Know in Life I Learned from the X-Files"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>If you see a bee, RUN!<\/li>\n<li>Avoid being abducted by aliens at all costs<\/li>\n<li>Never expect an informant to stick around for long<\/li>\n<li>Avoid people dressed in black<\/li>\n<li>Glow-in-the-dark bugs are bad<\/li>\n<li>Freaky worm mutants that live in sewers are bad<\/li>\n<li>Protect your liver from mutant liver-eating men<\/li>\n<li>Protect your pituitary gland from mutant pituitary gland-eating men<\/li>\n<li>Protect your fat from mutant fat-eating men<\/li>\n<li>Always check rocks for gooey alien black oil<\/li>\n<li>Make sure your local PTA is demon-free<\/li>\n<li>Avoid people with gargoyle fetishes<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t bring your pet when you go lake monster hunting<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t smoke<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t get a red tattoo<\/li>\n<li>Don&#8217;t drill holes in your head<\/li>\n<li>Red eyes are a bad sign<\/li>\n<li>If you feel yourself being &#8216;drawn&#8217; somewhere, in short &#8211; don&#8217;t go<\/li>\n<li>The truth *is* out there&#8230;somewhere<\/li>\n<li>If it&#8217;s iced tea, it could be love, but if it&#8217;s root beer, it&#8217;s fate.<\/li>\n<li>Never leave home without your Superduper Alien-Bounty-Hunter-Killing Fffftttt Stiletto Needle Thing Weapon thing<\/li>\n<li>Cable T.V. can be linked to strange behavior &#8211; Trust me, I know<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you see a bee, RUN! Avoid being abducted by aliens at all costs Never expect an informant to stick around for long Avoid people dressed in black Glow-in-the-dark bugs are bad Freaky worm mutants that live in sewers are bad Protect your liver from mutant liver-eating men Protect your pituitary gland from mutant pituitary [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[128,924,1293,1415,1552],"class_list":["post-126","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-all-i-need","tag-all-i-need","tag-lists","tag-science-fiction","tag-television","tag-x-files"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/126","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=126"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/126\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=126"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=126"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=126"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}