{"id":1259,"date":"2014-12-21T10:58:53","date_gmt":"2014-12-21T10:58:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=28"},"modified":"2014-12-21T10:58:53","modified_gmt":"2014-12-21T10:58:53","slug":"you-know-youre-getting-older-when","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1259","title":{"rendered":"You Know You&#8217;re Getting Older When&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>You and your teeth don&#8217;t sleep together.<\/li>\n<li>Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren&#8217;t wearing any.<\/li>\n<li>At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you&#8217;re not eating cereal.<\/li>\n<li>Your back goes out, but you stay home.<\/li>\n<li>When you wake up looking like your driver&#8217;s license picture.<\/li>\n<li>It takes two tries to get up from the couch.<\/li>\n<li>When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.<\/li>\n<li>When happy hour is a nap.<\/li>\n<li>When you&#8217;re on vacation, and your energy runs out before your money does.<\/li>\n<li>When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you, and you always hated it.<\/li>\n<li>When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.<\/li>\n<li>When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.<\/li>\n<li>Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.<\/li>\n<li>It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.<\/li>\n<li>Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.<\/li>\n<li>Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.<\/li>\n<li>You sit in a rocking chair and can&#8217;t get it going.<\/li>\n<li>The pharmacist has become your new best friend.<\/li>\n<li>Getting &#8220;lucky&#8221; means you found your car in the parking lot.<\/li>\n<li>The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.<\/li>\n<li>It takes twice as long &#8211; to look half as good.<\/li>\n<li>Everything hurts, and what doesn&#8217;t hurt &#8211; doesn&#8217;t work.<\/li>\n<li>You look for your glasses for half an hour, and they were on your head the whole time.<\/li>\n<li>You sink your teeth into a steak &#8211; and they stay there.<\/li>\n<li>You give up all your bad habits and still don&#8217;t feel good.<\/li>\n<li>You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don&#8217;t care anymore.<\/li>\n<li>You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.<\/li>\n<li>You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don&#8217;t even remember being on top of it.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You and your teeth don&#8217;t sleep together. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren&#8217;t wearing any. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you&#8217;re not eating cereal. Your back goes out, but you stay home. When you wake up looking like your driver&#8217;s license picture. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[115,924,1094],"class_list":["post-1259","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-aging","tag-aging","tag-lists","tag-old"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1259","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1259"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1259\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1259"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1259"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1259"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}