{"id":1258,"date":"2014-12-21T10:57:36","date_gmt":"2014-12-21T10:57:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=26"},"modified":"2014-12-21T10:57:36","modified_gmt":"2014-12-21T10:57:36","slug":"you-know-youre-getting-old-when","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1258","title":{"rendered":"You Know You&#8217;re Getting Old When&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>People are constantly putting a mirror under your nose while you nap to see if you&#8217;re breathing.<\/li>\n<li>You finally find something you&#8217;ve been looking for, for ages but can&#8217;t remember why you wanted it.<\/li>\n<li>You get to work before you discover you forgot to get dressed.<\/li>\n<li>You reach the toilet you forgot what you wanted to do.<\/li>\n<li>Tightening your belt becomes uncomfortable under your armpits.<\/li>\n<li>You can&#8217;t finish a conversation, because you don&#8217;t remember what you were talking about.<\/li>\n<li>Your spare tire is larger than your car&#8217;s.<\/li>\n<li>You are abducted by aliens, but immediately returned in favor of a living specimen.<\/li>\n<li>Your top three favorite pastimes involve sleep. <\/li>\n<li>You are declined as an organ donor &#8211; you&#8217;re told they&#8217;re not sure if your organs are functional.<\/li>\n<li>Most of your sentences begin with, &#8220;When I was your age&#8230;&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Bob Dole refers to you as, &#8220;old man.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Going to the bathroom at night used to require shoes, a candle and a corn cob.<\/li>\n<li>The Smithsonian request your participation in an exhibit &#8220;The Evolution Of Man.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>The fire department is requested to attend your birthday party in case the candles on your cake get out of hand.<\/li>\n<li>George Burns calls to congratulate you on your birthday, saying, &#8220;It&#8217;s just you and me, kid.&#8221;  Update: &#8220;Now it&#8217;s just you, kid!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>The dictionary adds your picture under the definition of &#8220;octogenarian.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>You had to get rid of your dog he kept trying to drag you to the yard to bury you.<\/li>\n<li>Medicare states that you&#8217;re too old for their coverage.<\/li>\n<li>You can&#8217;t be tried by a jury of your peers because there are none.<\/li>\n<li>Universities inquire about your donating your body to science they are desperate for specimens of ancient civilizations.<\/li>\n<li>You try to donate to a sperm bank but they insist they require live specimens.<\/li>\n<li>Everyone is happy to give you a ride because they don&#8217;t want you behind the wheel.<\/li>\n<li>Your dentist is fascinated by your wooden dentures.<\/li>\n<li>Your bifocals need bifocals.<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;re not allowed on most of the rides at DisneyWorld because they may be too intense.<\/li>\n<li>A passing funeral procession pauses to see if you need a lift.<\/li>\n<li>You convince an attractive young lady to sleep with you but fail to convince your body parts to arise to the occasion.<\/li>\n<li>Young girls feel safe in your presence knowing you couldn&#8217;t possibly do anything.<\/li>\n<li>Watching paint dry has a certain fascination.<\/li>\n<li>Children often innocently ask you, &#8220;What did people do before electricity?&#8221; And you can&#8217;t remember.<\/li>\n<li>You can remember seeing double features for a nickel, sometimes with sound.<\/li>\n<li>Charlton Heston comes to you for advice about his character, Moses, since you were there.<\/li>\n<li>You are often asked to give a personal account of the story of creation.<\/li>\n<li>You often repeat things&#8230;You often repeat things&#8230;   You often repeat things&#8230;<\/li>\n<li>You discover the meaning of life,   but forgot to write it down.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>People are constantly putting a mirror under your nose while you nap to see if you&#8217;re breathing. You finally find something you&#8217;ve been looking for, for ages but can&#8217;t remember why you wanted it. You get to work before you discover you forgot to get dressed. You reach the toilet you forgot what you wanted [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[115,924,1094],"class_list":["post-1258","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-aging","tag-aging","tag-lists","tag-old"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1258","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1258"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1258\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1258"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1258"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1258"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}