{"id":1233,"date":"2014-12-27T13:17:03","date_gmt":"2014-12-27T11:17:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=1233"},"modified":"2014-12-27T13:17:03","modified_gmt":"2014-12-27T11:17:03","slug":"the-five-toughest-questions","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1233","title":{"rendered":"The Five Toughest Questions"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The questions are:<\/p>\n<p><OL><br \/>\n<LI>What are you thinking about?<\/LI><br \/>\n<LI>Do you love me?<\/LI><br \/>\n<LI>Do I look fat?<\/LI><br \/>\n<LI>Do you think she is prettier than me?<\/LI><br \/>\n<LI>What would you do if I died?<\/LI><br \/>\n<\/OL><\/p>\n<p><P>What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode<br \/>\ninto a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth).<br \/>\nTherefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.<\/P><\/p>\n<p><UL><\/p>\n<p><li>Question #1: What are you thinking about?<br \/>\nThe proper answer to this, of course, is: &#8220;I&#8217;m sorry if I&#8217;ve been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful,  thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you.&#8221; This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:<br \/>\n<OL><br \/>\n<LI>Baseball.<\/li>\n<p><LI>Football.<\/li>\n<p><LI>How fat you are.<\/li>\n<p><LI>How much prettier she is than you.<\/li>\n<p><LI>How I would spend the insurance money if you died.<\/li>\n<p>(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, &#8220;If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!&#8221;)<\/OL>\n<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Question #2: Do you love me?<br \/>\nThe proper response is: &#8220;YES!&#8221; or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, &#8220;Yes, dear.&#8221; Inappropriate responses include:<br \/>\n<OL><br \/>\n<LI>I suppose so.<\/li>\n<p><LI>Would it make you feel better if I said yes?<\/li>\n<p><LI>That depends on what you mean by love.<\/li>\n<p><LI>Does it matter?<\/li>\n<p><LI>Who, me?<\/li>\n<p><\/OL>\n<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Question #3: Do I look fat?<br \/>\nThe correct answer is an emphatic: &#8220;Of course not!&#8221; Among the incorrect answers are:<br \/>\n<OL><br \/>\n<LI>Compared to what?<\/li>\n<p><LI>I wouldn&#8217;t call you fat, but you&#8217;re not exactly thin.<\/li>\n<p><LI>A little extra weight looks good on you.<\/li>\n<p><LI>I&#8217;ve seen fatter.<\/li>\n<p><LI>Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.<\/li>\n<p><\/OL>\n<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Question #4: Do you think she&#8217;s prettier than me?<br \/>\nOnce again, the proper response is an emphatic: &#8220;Of course not!&#8221; Incorrect responses include:<br \/>\n<OL><br \/>\n<LI>Yes, but you have a better personality<\/li>\n<p><LI>Not prettier, but definitely thinner<\/li>\n<p><LI>Not as pretty as you when you were her age <\/li>\n<p><LI>Define pretty<\/li>\n<p><LI>Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.<\/li>\n<p><\/OL>\n<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Question# 5: What would you do if I died?<br \/>\nA definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is &#8220;Buy a Corvette.&#8221;) No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions,<br \/>\nusually along the these lines:<br \/>\n<UL><\/p>\n<p><li>Woman: Would you get married again?<br \/>\nMan: Definitely not!<br \/>\nW: Why not, don&#8217;t you like being married?<br \/>\nM: Of course I do.<br \/>\nW: Then why wouldn&#8217;t you remarry?<br \/>\nM: Okay, I&#8217;d get married again.<br \/>\nW: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)<br \/>\nM: Yes, I would.<br \/>\nW: Would you sleep with her in our bed?<br \/>\nM: Where else would we sleep?<br \/>\nW: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?<br \/>\nM: That would seem like the proper thing to do.<br \/>\nW: And would you let her use my golf clubs?<br \/>\nM: Of course not, Dear. She&#8217;s left-handed.<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><\/UL><br \/>\n<\/UL><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The questions are: What are you thinking about? Do you love me? Do I look fat? Do you think she is prettier than me? What would you do if I died? What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[36],"tags":[1448],"class_list":["post-1233","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-men-vs-womendating","tag-tough-questions"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1233","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1233"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1233\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1233"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1233"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1233"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}