{"id":1215,"date":"2014-12-27T12:49:05","date_gmt":"2014-12-27T10:49:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=1215"},"modified":"2014-12-27T12:49:05","modified_gmt":"2014-12-27T10:49:05","slug":"signs-your-ex-is-dating-a-convict","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1215","title":{"rendered":"Signs Your Ex is Dating a Convict"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>She calls to ask you the meaning of &#8220;conjugal.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Her new bumper sticker:  &#8220;Convicts do it for life.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>She proudly says she finally found a man who sleeps in the same bed every night.<\/li>\n<li>She only feels comfortable speaking to you on the phone when you&#8217;re on opposite sides of the same window.<\/li>\n<li>Your ex *is* a convict.<\/li>\n<li>Back from custody weekend, little Timmy asks if he can have a steel toilet next to his bed, &#8220;just like Uncle Snake!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>You hear her asking the kids if the &#8220;screws&#8221; at daycare are treating them right.<\/li>\n<li>Your children&#8217;s response to why drugs are bad is &#8220;they violate your parole.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;re spending another weekend with the kids because &#8220;Mommy has the Conjugals.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>She boasts:  &#8220;He&#8217;s a former child TV star!&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Your kids try to guess how many cigarettes their birthday presents are worth.<\/li>\n<li>Her license plate is autographed.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>She calls to ask you the meaning of &#8220;conjugal.&#8221; Her new bumper sticker: &#8220;Convicts do it for life.&#8221; She proudly says she finally found a man who sleeps in the same bed every night. She only feels comfortable speaking to you on the phone when you&#8217;re on opposite sides of the same window. Your ex [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[36],"tags":[436,479,608],"class_list":["post-1215","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-men-vs-womendating","tag-convict","tag-dating","tag-ex-wives"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1215","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1215"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1215\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1215"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1215"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1215"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}