{"id":1155,"date":"2014-12-26T23:56:41","date_gmt":"2014-12-26T21:56:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=1155"},"modified":"2014-12-26T23:56:41","modified_gmt":"2014-12-26T21:56:41","slug":"signs-she-is-bored-having-sex-with-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1155","title":{"rendered":"Signs She is Bored Having Sex With You"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>After you request sex she replies, &#8220;Wait &#8217;til the Nyquil kicks in.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Gets very upset when the ashtray falls off your ass.<\/li>\n<li>Actually answers when you ask &#8220;Who&#8217;s your daddy?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Last time she screamed during sex was the first time she won at solitaire.<\/li>\n<li>Only moans during commercial breaks.<\/li>\n<li>Starts her fake orgasms during foreplay.<\/li>\n<li>Keeps trying to set you up with her friends.<\/li>\n<li>Runs for vacant Senate seat in New York.<\/li>\n<li>You are currently sitting backstage at the Springer show.<\/li>\n<li>Beginning to think she is only &#8220;playing&#8221; dead.<\/li>\n<li>During the act, she actually yelled out, &#8220;Oh, Baby, Yadda, Yadda, Yadda.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Has suddenly started making you pay in advance.<\/li>\n<li>Her moans of delight discovered to actually be a .wav file.<\/li>\n<li>Instead of asking to leave her shirt on, she wants to leave her pants on too.<\/li>\n<li>Keeps asking &#8220;Are you SURE you&#8217;re not gay?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Boredom?  So that&#8217;s why she keeps deflating!!<\/li>\n<li>Holds up a picture of the Playboy centerfold to hurry you along.<\/li>\n<li>Asks to be on top so she can balance her checkbook better.<\/li>\n<li>She yells out her own name.<\/li>\n<li>Bangs her head on the headboard BEFORE you begin.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>After you request sex she replies, &#8220;Wait &#8217;til the Nyquil kicks in.&#8221; Gets very upset when the ashtray falls off your ass. Actually answers when you ask &#8220;Who&#8217;s your daddy?&#8221; Last time she screamed during sex was the first time she won at solitaire. Only moans during commercial breaks. Starts her fake orgasms during foreplay. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[991,1310],"class_list":["post-1155","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-for-men","tag-men","tag-sex"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1155","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1155"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1155\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1155"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1155"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1155"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}