{"id":1139,"date":"2014-12-26T23:34:06","date_gmt":"2014-12-26T21:34:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=1139"},"modified":"2014-12-26T23:34:06","modified_gmt":"2014-12-26T21:34:06","slug":"signs-youve-hired-the-wrong-marriage-counselor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1139","title":{"rendered":"Signs You&#8217;ve Hired the Wrong Marriage Counselor"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Degree on the wall reads &#8220;Doctor of Swingology.&#8221;<\/li>\n<p><P><\/p>\n<li>Keeps repeating, &#8220;If you can&#8217;t change course, you must divorce.&#8221;<\/li>\n<p><P><\/p>\n<li>&#8220;I&#8217;m afraid there&#8217;s not much you can do with a penis that small.&#8221;<\/li>\n<p><P><\/p>\n<li>Her latest book: &#8220;Women Are From Venus, Men Are Lyin&#8217; Bastards&#8221;<\/li>\n<p><P><\/p>\n<li>&#8220;Just shut up and screw&#8221; doesn&#8217;t seem like very good advice.<\/li>\n<p><P><\/p>\n<li>After you&#8217;ve earned enough &#8220;session points&#8221;, you get to choose either a Louisville Slugger or a Tazer gun.<\/li>\n<p><P><\/p>\n<li>When you and your spouse claim sexual incompatibility, he throws a couple of pillows on the floor and says, &#8220;Prove it.&#8221;<\/li>\n<p><P><\/p>\n<li>&#8220;Communication, schmunication &#8211; let&#8217;s talk about &#8216;backdoor love&#8217;&#8230;&#8221;<\/li>\n<p><P><\/p>\n<li>&#8220;Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Dr. Ike Turner will see you now.&#8221;<\/li>\n<p><P><\/p>\n<li>You quickly discover that his motto, &#8220;Don&#8217;t worry, be happy&#8221; is pretty much the extent of his knowledge of the English language.<\/li>\n<p><P><\/p>\n<li>Always takes Hillary&#8217;s side.<\/li>\n<p><P><\/p>\n<li>In order to open the lines of communication, she begins the first session by hooking your genitals up to a car battery and tossing your wife the keys.<\/li>\n<p><P><\/p>\n<li>Agrees with husband that a request to &#8220;honk on Bobo&#8221; is foreplay enough.<\/li>\n<p><P><\/p>\n<li>&#8220;Mrs. Jones, I believe your husband is correct. You are a whiny bitch.&#8221;<\/li>\n<p><P><\/p>\n<li>Her last name has six hyphens.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Degree on the wall reads &#8220;Doctor of Swingology.&#8221; Keeps repeating, &#8220;If you can&#8217;t change course, you must divorce.&#8221; &#8220;I&#8217;m afraid there&#8217;s not much you can do with a penis that small.&#8221; Her latest book: &#8220;Women Are From Venus, Men Are Lyin&#8217; Bastards&#8221; &#8220;Just shut up and screw&#8221; doesn&#8217;t seem like very good advice. After you&#8217;ve [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpmdr_menu":1,"wpmdr_menu_extended":{"individualPostRemove":1,"individualPostRemoveDate":1,"individualPostRemoveAuthor":1,"individualPostYoastRemovePublished":1,"individualPostYoastRemoveModified":1},"footnotes":""},"categories":[36],"tags":[924,966],"class_list":["post-1139","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-men-vs-womendating","tag-lists","tag-marriage-counseling"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1139","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1139"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1139\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1139"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1139"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1139"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}