{"id":1104,"date":"2014-12-26T19:18:05","date_gmt":"2014-12-26T17:18:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=1104"},"modified":"2014-12-26T19:18:05","modified_gmt":"2014-12-26T17:18:05","slug":"abcs-of-ex-wives","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1104","title":{"rendered":"ABCs of Ex-Wives"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>A is for Alimony &#8230; the gift that keeps on giving.<\/li>\n<li>B is for Balls &#8230; which are now ours again.<\/li>\n<li>C is for Court &#8230; where you finally find out the meaning of a good screw.<\/li>\n<li>D is for Divorce &#8230; the alternative to ax murder.<\/li>\n<li>E is for Equitable Distribution &#8230; another oxymoron.<\/li>\n<li>F is for Flatulence &#8230; finally we can let loose without being criticized for causing the flowers to wilt.<\/li>\n<li>G is for Gandhi&#8230;someone you could actually say had lost weight without having to lie.<\/li>\n<li>H is for House &#8230; which the bitch also got.<\/li>\n<li>I is for Inmate &#8230; where you also get to room with Bubba when the child support is late.<\/li>\n<li>J is for Jewelry &#8230; the former great equalizer.<\/li>\n<li>K is for Kids &#8230; the best of everything.<\/li>\n<li>L is for Lawyer &#8230; whose most recent vacation you just paid for.<\/li>\n<li>M is for Mother &#8230; and Oh what a Mother F*cker!!!!!!<\/li>\n<li>N is for Not tonight, I have a headache.<\/li>\n<li>O is for Overdrawn &#8230; what your checking account always was.<\/li>\n<li>P is for PMS &#8230; what we say:  &#8220;No, honey, you don&#8217;t look like you&#8217;re retaining water.&#8221;  &#8230;what we mean, &#8220;No wonder there&#8217;s a citywide drought.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Q is for Quarter &#8230; what YOU get for each dollar SHE gets.<\/li>\n<li>R is for Rehearsal Dinner &#8230; should never have stayed for dessert.<\/li>\n<li>S is for Sex &#8230; thank goodness she rolled in her sleep.<\/li>\n<li>T is for Throat &#8230; the anatomic area she goes for in the settlement.<\/li>\n<li>U is for UPS &#8230; the delivery guy you are on a first name basis with, and who spent more time at your house than you did.<\/li>\n<li>V is for Visa &#8230; one of several cards she maxed out.<\/li>\n<li>W is for Wrong &#8230; which you always were.<\/li>\n<li>X is for X chromosome &#8230; I swear some women have more than two!<\/li>\n<li>Y is for Yacht &#8230; maybe the next guy will have one.<\/li>\n<li>Z is for Zirconium &#8230; I wonder if she ever figured out that all her diamonds were Cubic Zirconium.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A is for Alimony &#8230; the gift that keeps on giving. B is for Balls &#8230; which are now ours again. C is for Court &#8230; where you finally find out the meaning of a good screw. D is for Divorce &#8230; the alternative to ax murder. E is for Equitable Distribution &#8230; another oxymoron. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[36],"tags":[608,992],"class_list":["post-1104","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-men-vs-womendating","tag-ex-wives","tag-men-vs-women"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1104","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1104"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1104\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1104"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1104"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1104"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}