{"id":1098,"date":"2014-12-26T19:10:31","date_gmt":"2014-12-26T17:10:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=1098"},"modified":"2014-12-26T19:10:31","modified_gmt":"2014-12-26T17:10:31","slug":"100-reasons-why-its-great-to-be-a-guy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1098","title":{"rendered":"100 Reasons Why It’s Great to be a Guy"},"content":{"rendered":"
    \n
  1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.<\/li>\n
  2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.<\/li>\n
  3. You know stuff about tanks.<\/li>\n
  4. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.<\/li>\n
  5. Monday Night Football.<\/li>\n
  6. You don’t have to monitor your friends sex lives.<\/li>\n
  7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.<\/li>\n
  8. You can open all your own jars.<\/li>\n
  9. Old friends don’t give you crap if you’ve lost or gained weight.<\/li>\n
  10. Dry cleaners and haircutters don’t rob you blind.<\/li>\n
  11. When clicking through the channel, you don’t have to stall on every shot of someone crying.<\/li>\n
  12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.<\/li>\n
  13. All your orgasms are real.<\/li>\n
  14. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.<\/li>\n
  15. Guys in hockey masks don’t attack you.<\/li>\n
  16. You don’t have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.<\/li>\n
  17. You understand why Stripes is funny.<\/li>\n
  18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.<\/li>\n
  19. Your last name stays put.<\/li>\n
  20. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.<\/li>\n
  21. When your work is criticized, you don’t have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.<\/li>\n
  22. You can kill your own food.<\/li>\n
  23. The garage is all yours.<\/li>\n
  24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.<\/li>\n
  25. You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.<\/li>\n
  26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.<\/li>\n
  27. You never have to clean the toilet.<\/li>\n
  28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.<\/li>\n
  29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.<\/li>\n
  30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.<\/li>\n
  31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be you friend.<\/li>\n
  32. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.<\/li>\n
  33. The National College Cheerleading Championship<\/li>\n
  34. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.<\/li>\n
  35. You don’t have to shave below your neck.<\/li>\n
  36. You don’t have to curl up next to a hairy ass every nite.<\/li>\n
  37. If you’re 34 and single, nobody notices.<\/li>\n
  38. You can write your name in the snow.<\/li>\n
  39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.<\/li>\n
  40. Everything on your face stays its original color.<\/li>\n
  41. Chocolate is just another snack.<\/li>\n
  42. You can be president.<\/li>\n
  43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.<\/li>\n
  44. Flowers fix everything.<\/li>\n
  45. You never have to worry about other people’s feelings.<\/li>\n
  46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.<\/li>\n
  47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.<\/li>\n
  48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.<\/li>\n
  49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.<\/li>\n
  50. You can say anything and not worry about what people think.<\/li>\n
  51. Foreplay is optional.<\/li>\n
  52. Michael Bolton doesn’t live in your universe.<\/li>\n
  53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.<\/li>\n
  54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.<\/li>\n
  55. You don’t have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.<\/li>\n
  56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.<\/li>\n
  57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.<\/li>\n
  58. You don’t give a rat’s ass if someone notices your new haircut.<\/li>\n
  59. You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without even thinking (He must be mad at me)<\/li>\n
  60. The world is your urinal.<\/li>\n
  61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.<\/li>\n
  62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.<\/li>\n
  63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.<\/li>\n
  64. One mood, all the time.<\/li>\n
  65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.<\/li>\n
  66. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one’s just too skeevy.<\/li>\n
  67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.<\/li>\n
  68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.<\/li>\n
  69. Same work….more pay.<\/li>\n
  70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.<\/li>\n
  71. You don’t have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.<\/li>\n
  72. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.<\/li>\n
  73. You don’t care if someone is talking about you behind your back.<\/li>\n
  74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the earth’s population in 15 tries, at least in theory.<\/li>\n
  75. You don’t mooch off others’ desserts.<\/li>\n
  76. If you retain water, it’s in a canteen.<\/li>\n
  77. The remote is yours and yours alone.<\/li>\n
  78. People never glance at your chest when your talking to them.<\/li>\n
  79. ESPN’s sports center.<\/li>\n
  80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.<\/li>\n
  81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.<\/li>\n
  82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.<\/li>\n
  83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.<\/li>\n
  84. You needn’t pretend you’re “freshening up” to go to the bathroom.<\/li>\n
  85. If you don’t call your buddy when you say you will, he won’t tell you friends you’ve changed.<\/li>\n
  86. Someday you’ll be a dirty old man.<\/li>\n
  87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase “F*#k it!”<\/li>\n
  88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.<\/li>\n
  89. Princess Di’s death was almost just another obituary.<\/li>\n
  90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.<\/li>\n
  91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you’re not in the mood.<\/li>\n
  92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.<\/li>\n
  93. If something mechanical didn’t work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.<\/li>\n
  94. New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.<\/li>\n
  95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.<\/li>\n
  96. You don’t have to remember everyone’s birthdays and anniversaries.<\/li>\n
  97. Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.<\/li>\n
  98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: “So… notice anything different?”<\/li>\n
  99. Baywatch<\/li>\n
  100. There is always a game on somewhere.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. Movie nudity is virtually always female. You know stuff about tanks. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase. Monday Night Football. You don’t have to monitor your friends sex lives. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter. You can open all your own jars. Old friends don’t […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"wpmdr_menu":1,"wpmdr_menu_extended":{"individualPostRemove":1,"individualPostRemoveDate":1,"individualPostRemoveAuthor":1,"individualPostYoastRemovePublished":1,"individualPostYoastRemoveModified":1},"footnotes":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[924,991],"class_list":["post-1098","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-for-men","tag-lists","tag-men"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1098","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1098"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1098\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1098"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1098"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1098"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}