{"id":1072,"date":"2014-12-26T18:37:37","date_gmt":"2014-12-26T16:37:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=1072"},"modified":"2014-12-26T18:37:37","modified_gmt":"2014-12-26T16:37:37","slug":"ways-not-to-begin-your-police-report","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1072","title":{"rendered":"Ways NOT To Begin Your Police Report"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>It was the best of times, it was the worst of times &#8230; <\/li>\n<li>The names contained in this report have been changed to protect the innocent &#8230; <\/li>\n<li>The mayor then made an illegal left hand turn onto Mulraney at which point I opened fire &#8230;<\/li>\n<li>Before I get into the details, I&#8217;ve got a few &#8220;shout-outs&#8221; for my homeys in the command staff &#8230;<\/li>\n<li>It was so dark and wet that night you could almost eat the mist. The radio call penetrated the eerie silence with such piercing intensity that for a moment, I was sure I&#8217;d lost my mind &#8230;<\/li>\n<li>Got call. Responded. Arrested bad guy. The end.<\/li>\n<li>Mye pertnar an eye wher on petrol wen we seen a man act suspishushly&#8230;<\/li>\n<li>The suspect then tried to assualt me by repeatedly slamming his face into my fist &#8230;<\/li>\n<li>A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away &#8230;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It was the best of times, it was the worst of times &#8230; The names contained in this report have been changed to protect the innocent &#8230; The mayor then made an illegal left hand turn onto Mulraney at which point I opened fire &#8230; Before I get into the details, I&#8217;ve got a few [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[440,1254],"class_list":["post-1072","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-copsrobbers","tag-cops","tag-report"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1072","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1072"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1072\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1072"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1072"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1072"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}