{"id":1068,"date":"2014-12-26T18:34:10","date_gmt":"2014-12-26T16:34:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=1068"},"modified":"2014-12-26T18:34:10","modified_gmt":"2014-12-26T16:34:10","slug":"the-revised-miranda-rights","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1068","title":{"rendered":"The Revised Miranda Rights"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>Verbal Version 1<\/li>\n<ul>\n<li>You have the right to remain motionless,<br \/>\nor you may elect to run away from me.<br \/>\nShould you decide to run, I shall direct my K-9 to<br \/>\nchase you down to the ends of the earth.<br \/>\nYou have the right to have your lawyer run with you.<br \/>\nShould he refuse, a recent Law School graduate<br \/>\nwill be appointed by the court to jog along with you.<br \/>\nIf while running, you suddenly decide to end the race,<br \/>\nbeware that my K-9 may or may not understand your<br \/>\nintentions, and may continue his persuit of you in full stride.<br \/>\nYou may stop running at any time, at your own risk.<br \/>\nGood luck. On your mark, get set&#8230;. GO!!!!!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<li>Verbal Version 2<\/li>\n<ul>\n<li>You have the right to swing first. Anything you do<br \/>\ncan and will lead to an ass-kicking.<br \/>\nYou have the right to have a priest and\/or an EMT<br \/>\npresent at the time of the ass-kicking.<br \/>\nIf you don&#8217;t have a priest, one will be appointed<br \/>\nfree of charge, to read you your last prayer.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<li>Written Version<\/li>\n<p>YOU ARE UNDER ARREST AND&#8230;<\/p>\n<ul>\n___ No, I don&#8217;t care who you are.<br \/>\n___ No, I don&#8217;t care who you know.<br \/>\n___ Yes&#8230; you DO pay my salary.<br \/>\n___ Yes&#8230; you CAN have my job.<br \/>\n___ No, I don&#8217;t have anything better to do.<br \/>\n___ Yes, I DO arrest real criminals sometimes.<br \/>\n___ No, I am not picking on you because you are _____________ (ethnic group\/race).<br \/>\n___ No, I can&#8217;t give you a break.<br \/>\n___ No, I don&#8217;t know your friend, Officer ______.<br \/>\n___ Yes, you will be allowed to make a phone call.<br \/>\n___ Yes, I&#8217;m sure you will never do it again.<br \/>\n___ No, we can&#8217;t talk about it.<br \/>\n___ Yes, it DOES make me happy.<br \/>\n___ Yes, you WILL see me in court.<\/ul>\n<p>Thank you, have a nice day&#8230; TOMORROW!!!<\/p>\n<p>Your Arresting Officer  ________________<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Verbal Version 1 You have the right to remain motionless, or you may elect to run away from me. Should you decide to run, I shall direct my K-9 to chase you down to the ends of the earth. You have the right to have your lawyer run with you. Should he refuse, a recent [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[440,1022],"class_list":["post-1068","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-copsrobbers","tag-cops","tag-miranda"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1068","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1068"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1068\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1068"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1068"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1068"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}