{"id":1016,"date":"2014-12-26T17:24:35","date_gmt":"2014-12-26T15:24:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=1016"},"modified":"2014-12-26T17:24:35","modified_gmt":"2014-12-26T15:24:35","slug":"you-may-be-a-cop-if","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1016","title":{"rendered":"You May Be A Cop If&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>You have the bladder capacity of five people;<\/li>\n<li>You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience;<\/li>\n<li>You believe that 25% of people are a waste of protoplasm;<\/li>\n<li>Your idea of a good time is a robbery at shift change;<\/li>\n<li>You call for a CCH on anyone that is friendly toward you;<\/li>\n<li>You think it is perfectly normal to discuss dismemberment over a gourmet meal;<\/li>\n<li>You can identify a negative &#8220;tattoo to tooth&#8221; ratio just by looking at a person;<\/li>\n<li>You find humor in other people&#8217;s stupidity;<\/li>\n<li>You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac;<\/li>\n<li>You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see;<\/li>\n<li>You have your weekends off planned for a year in advance;<\/li>\n<li>You believe that a &#8220;shallow gene pool&#8221; should be grounds for an arrest;<\/li>\n<li>You believe that the Government should require a permit to reproduce;<\/li>\n<li>You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says &#8220;Boy, it sure is quiet around here&#8221;;<\/li>\n<li>You refer to your nightstick as your &#8220;Dork Slayer&#8221;;<\/li>\n<li>You believe that chocolate is a food group;<\/li>\n<li>You take it as a compliment when someone calls you a prick;<\/li>\n<li>You have wanted to hold a seminar on &#8220;Suicide, getting it right the first time;,<\/li>\n<li>You believe that &#8220;too stupid to live&#8221; should be a valid jury verdict;<\/li>\n<li>You have had to put a complainant on hold, while you laugh uncontrollably;<\/li>\n<li>You have wanted a terrorist to deliver a Ryder truck to a particular bar;<\/li>\n<li>You believe the dispatcher is possessed;<\/li>\n<li>You think caffeine should be available in I.V. form;<\/li>\n<li>You&#8217;re not referring to food when you mention vegetables;<\/li>\n<li>You believe that the holding cell should come with a Valium salt lick;<\/li>\n<li>You have heard: &#8220;I have no idea how that got there,&#8221; on more than a few occasions;<\/li>\n<li>You suddenly realize one night that you are patrolling the Twilight Zone;<\/li>\n<li>You correlate &#8220;two beers&#8221; with 0.15 BAC;<\/li>\n<li>You have learned a lot about paranoia, simply by following random cars around in your patrol car;<\/li>\n<li>You believe that it is a &#8220;good&#8221; death only if it involves overtime;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You have the bladder capacity of five people; You have ever restrained someone and it was not a sexual experience; You believe that 25% of people are a waste of protoplasm; Your idea of a good time is a robbery at shift change; You call for a CCH on anyone that is friendly toward you; [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[440,924],"class_list":["post-1016","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-copsrobbers","tag-cops","tag-lists"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1016","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1016"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1016\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1016"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1016"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1016"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}