{"id":1008,"date":"2014-12-26T17:17:50","date_gmt":"2014-12-26T15:17:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=1008"},"modified":"2014-12-26T17:17:50","modified_gmt":"2014-12-26T15:17:50","slug":"advice-to-dumb-criminals","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1008","title":{"rendered":"Advice to Dumb Criminals"},"content":{"rendered":"<div align=\"center\">(based on what other dumb criminals have done)<\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>If you plan to commit a crime and run from the police on foot&#8230;  *Do* pick a more subtle color to wear than bright yellow pants.<\/li>\n<li>*Don&#8217;t* invite a uniformed police officer into your home to chat about a crime you witnessed if you have dope on the table in plain view.<\/li>\n<li>When you go on a burglary spree *Do* ensure you have enough gas in your vehicle to drive away from your crime scene.<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;But I know the people who live here&#8221; is *Not* a valid justification for burglarizing a neighbors house when they are out of town.<\/li>\n<li>When an officer is demonstrating a field sobriety test *Don&#8217;t* say, &#8220;Well, I can&#8217;t do that sober!&#8221; on camera, and then plead not guilty.<\/li>\n<li>If you are going to steal a car *Do* pick one that will blend in traffic better than a pearl white six door limo.<\/li>\n<li>*Don&#8217;t* answer a question with the phrase, &#8220;Who me?&#8221; when you and the officer are the only people in a ten mile radius.<\/li>\n<li>*Don&#8217;t* repeat the question that the officer just asked. It&#8217;s considered a stall technique and it gives away the fact you are getting ready to lie through your teeth.<\/li>\n<li>*Don&#8217;t* say, &#8220;I ain&#8217;t got no dope. Why you wanna search my car?&#8221; before the officer even introduces himself\/herself on the traffic stop.<\/li>\n<li>*Do* pick an alias you can spell before you lie to the police about your name.<\/li>\n<li>*Do* ensure the birthday you give matches the age you give when lying about your birthday.<\/li>\n<li>When you attempt to drop your dope on the ground when approached by an officer, *Don&#8217;t* bounce said dope off the toe of the officer&#8217;s boot.<\/li>\n<li>*Do* come up with something better to say than, &#8220;These aren&#8217;t my pants&#8221; when the officer finds dope or any other contraband in your pocket.<\/li>\n<li>If you are going to jump into a stranger&#8217;s fenced back yard *Do* make sure a police K-9 vehicle is not parked in the driveway.<\/li>\n<li>*Don&#8217;t* ask an off duty plain clothes officer in his privately owned vehicle for a ride away from your crime scene.<\/li>\n<li>If you leave your pants, car, and ID at a crime scene, the cops *Will* probably be able to figure out who dunnit<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>(based on what other dumb criminals have done) If you plan to commit a crime and run from the police on foot&#8230; *Do* pick a more subtle color to wear than bright yellow pants. *Don&#8217;t* invite a uniformed police officer into your home to chat about a crime you witnessed if you have dope on [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[440,460,924],"class_list":["post-1008","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-copsrobbers","tag-cops","tag-criminals","tag-lists"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1008","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1008"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1008\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1008"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1008"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1008"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}