{"id":1006,"date":"2014-12-26T17:16:13","date_gmt":"2014-12-26T15:16:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/joke-archives.com\/fun\/?p=1006"},"modified":"2014-12-26T17:16:13","modified_gmt":"2014-12-26T15:16:13","slug":"911-calls","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/?p=1006","title":{"rendered":"911 Calls"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>The following exchanges are taken from transcripts of 911 calls.<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Caller: &#8220;I&#8217;d like to make a unanimous complaint, so don&#8217;t use my name.&#8221;<\/li>\n<p><li>Caller: &#8220;I&#8217;m reporting a deer on the road. I almost hit it.&#8221;<br \/>\nCall-taker: &#8220;Is the deer alive?&#8221;<br \/>\nCaller: &#8220;Oh, no, it&#8217;s run over. Many, many cars. Again and again, and &#8211; OH NO!!! NOT AGAIN!&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Caller: &#8220;Am I talking to a real person, or this a recording?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Caller: &#8220;We might (cough) need the fire department here (cough).&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Caller: &#8220;Is it okay for a civilian to take a person to the hospital, or does the ambulance have to do it?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Caller: (irate) &#8220;That&#8217;s &#8216;W&#8217; as in Williams and &#8216;Y&#8217; as in why.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Caller (on realising the police are on the way): &#8220;Get the keg outta here, dude!&#8221;<\/li>\n<p><li>Caller: &#8220;He&#8217;s not breathing!&#8221;<br \/>\nCall-taker: &#8220;Can you get the phone close to him?&#8221;<br \/>\nCaller: &#8220;WHY? You want to hear he&#8217;s not breathing, too?&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Call-taker: &#8220;Does she have any weapons?&#8221;<br \/>\nCaller: &#8220;Well, she has real long finger nails.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<p><li>Call-taker: &#8220;We&#8217;ll need a description of him.&#8221;<br \/>\nCaller: &#8220;He&#8217;s a lawyer.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Caller: &#8220;No, she just didn&#8217;t fall&#8230;I helped her!&#8221;<\/li>\n<p><li>Complaint about a stolen mailbox:<br \/>\nCall-taker: &#8220;What is your address?&#8221;<br \/>\nCaller: &#8220;It&#8217;s gone.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/p>\n<li>Caller: &#8220;I&#8217;m scared, I just got a Ouija board for my birthday, and now there&#8217;s writing on my wall and I can&#8217;t get it off&#8230;&#8230;this thing is going back to K-Mart first thing in the morning!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The following exchanges are taken from transcripts of 911 calls. Caller: &#8220;I&#8217;d like to make a unanimous complaint, so don&#8217;t use my name.&#8221; Caller: &#8220;I&#8217;m reporting a deer on the road. I almost hit it.&#8221; Call-taker: &#8220;Is the deer alive?&#8221; Caller: &#8220;Oh, no, it&#8217;s run over. Many, many cars. Again and again, and &#8211; OH [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[93,440,924],"class_list":["post-1006","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-copsrobbers","tag-911-calls","tag-cops","tag-lists"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1006","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1006"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1006\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1006"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1006"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.joke-archives.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1006"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}