A little boy was in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride’s side and groom’s side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar… So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle.

As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.

The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was also near tears by the time he reached the pulpit.

When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, “I was being the Ring Bear….”

Offensive Wedding Behavior

  • Show up with a baby and claim he belongs to the newlyweds.
  • Cover yourself with glue to improve your chances of catching the bouquet.
  • Offer to show people pictures of the bride having sex with a dog.
  • Tell people that you knew the bride before the sexchange operation.
  • Tell the bride that the only reason you can look at her is that you used to be a proctologist.
  • Instead of a standard gift, give the newlyweds a gift certificate for a drug rehab clinic.
  • As you move down the receiving line, spit on each person.
  • Ask the bride’s mother to give you a hand job.
  • Give the bride some Bianca, and tell her it kills the taste of sperm.
  • Propose a toast to the bride’s nose job.
  • Steal the cards from the wedding gifts so no one can tell who they came from.
  • Walk up to various guests and demand to see their invitations.
  • After the bride throws her garter, start people chanting, “Throw your bra, throw your bra…”
  • Tell everyone that the groom had to be given Quaaludes to keep him from backing out.
  • Tell the rabbi that there’s no money to pay him, and ask if he’ll settle for stupping the bride.
  • Assure the bride’s mother that the groom is “hung like a horse.”
  • Return a bra which the bride left in your car.
  • If there’s a hunchback at a Jewish wedding tell him that he has to wear one yarmulke on his head and another on his hump.
  • When the bride is coming down the aisle, push the organist out of the way and start playing, “The Lady is a Tramp.”

Wedding Messages

  • The Bureau of Meteorology forecasts rainstorms so the bride can expect a few good inches overnight.
  • Love is a thousand miles long but comes in six inch installments.
  • “The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.
  • “Confucious say man who sink into womans arms soon have arms in womans sink.
  • Sorry I cannot be at Wedding… Please send me a photo of Bride and Groom Mounted.
  • Easy on the throttle, steady on the gears, roll her over gently and She’ll last for many years.
  • Don’t keep him in the dog house too often or he might give his bone to the woman next door.
  • Treat him like a flower… grab him by the stalk.
  • If you don’t want the Stork to come, Shoot in the air.
  • Go for it mate. We all did!
  • All the best from Mr and Mrs Farkin and all the Farkin kids.
  • She offered her honor, He honored her offer, and all night he was on her and off her.
  • Don’t Spring on the Inner-Spring this Spring or there will be an Off-Spring next Spring.
  • Hope you honeymoon is like a train ride through the Khyber Pass, One long hard route.
  • Please remember that Brandy makes you Randy, Whisky makes you Frisky, but its a good stiff Johnny Walker that makes you Pregnant.
  • Travel Agency to Bride: The groom’s face leaves at midnight. Be on it.
  • Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population.
  • Football coach to bride: If you’ve tried him in 18 positions and he’s still no good, pull him off.
  • Treat the Bride like a new car, go easy for the first 500.