An Aging Peanuts Gang

Most cartoon characters remain frozen in time. Though they’ve been around almost 50 years, the members of the Peanuts gang are in some unspecified elementary school holding pattern. But what if they had been allowed to age like the rest of us? With apologies to Charles Schulz:

  • Charlie Brown:
    Operates Good Grief Counseling Inc., which specializes in manic depressives and people who are just having a bad day. Moonlights as a pitching coach at high school and college levels. Married to Marcie. They have a roundheaded son who wears glasses.
  • Linus:
    Developer of Security Blanket Software, which is a hot item on the New York Stock Exchange. Worth millions but is actively involved in charitable causes, including the Great Pumpkin 5K Fun Run every Halloween. Only man who makes Bill Gates nervous.
  • Lucy:
    Serving her seventh term in Congress. On her third husband. Claims she hasn’t thought about Schroeder in years, but the background music on her answering machine is Beethoven.
  • Schroeder:
    After years on the classical performing circuit, he runs a piano bar in Carmel, Calif. Won’t let anybody lean on his piano.
  • Sally:
    Never quite got over being spurned by Linus. Has a cat named Sweet Baboo. Sells Mary Kay.
  • Peppermint Patty:
    Women’s athletic director at a Midwest university. Her fashion credo: “Sandals go with everything.”
  • Snoopy:
    In dog years, he be 350. What do you think would’ve happened to him? Linus has created an endowment at Daisy Hill Puppy farm in Snoopy’s memory.