Murphy’s Technology Laws

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Murphy’s Technology Law #1:
You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

Murphy’s Technology Law #2:
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Murphy’s Technology Law #3:
Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.

Murphy’s Technology Law #4:
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

Murphy’s Technology Law #5:
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he/she knows absolutely everything about nothing.

Murphy’s Technology Law #6:
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and he’ll have to touch to be sure.

Murphy’s Technology Law #8:
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

Murphy’s Technology Law #10:
A meeting is an event at which minutes are kept and hours are lost.

Murphy’s Technology Law #12:
A failure will not appear until a unit has passed final inspection.

Murphy’s Technology Law #14:
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

Murphy’s Technology Law #15:
We don’t know one-millionth of one percent about anything.

Murphy’s Technology Law #17:
A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.

Murphy’s Laws of Computing

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When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.
When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.
The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
When the going gets tough, upgrade.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
To err is human … to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.
He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
If at first you do not succeed, blame your computer.
A complex system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.

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The clock in the instructor’s room will be wrong.
Disaster will occur when visitors are in the room.
A subject interesting to the teacher will bore students.
The time a teacher takes in explaining is inversely proportional to the information retained by students.
A meeting’s length will be directly proportional to the boredom the speaker produces.
Students who are doing better are credited with working harder. If children start to do poorly, the teacher will be blamed.
The problem child will be a school board member’s son.
When the instructor is late, he will meet the principal in the hall. If the instructor is late and does not meet the principal, the instructor is late to the faculty meeting.
New students come from schools that do not teach anything.
Good students move away.
When speaking to the school psychologist, the teacher will say: “weirdo” rather than “emotionally disturbed.”
The school board will make a better pay offer before the teacher’s union negotiates.
The instructor’s study hall be the largest in several years.
The administration will veiw the study hall as the teacher’s preparation time.
Clocks will run more quickly during free time.
On a test day, at least 15% of the class will be absent
If the instructor teaches art, the principal will be an ex-coach and will dislike art. If the instructor is a coach, the principal will be an ex-coach who took a winning team to the state.
Murphy’s Law will go into effect at the beginning of an evaluation.

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The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on sale next week.
Leakproof thermoses–will.
The chances of a piece of bread falling with the grape jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
The garbage truck will be two doors past your house when the argument over whose day it is to take out the trash ends.
The shirt your child must wear today will be the only one that needs to be washed or mended.
Gym clothes left at school in lockers mildew at a faster rate than other clothing.
The item your child lost, and must have for school within the next ten seconds, will be found in the last place you look. [By definition]
Sick children recover miraculously when the pediatrician enters the treatment room.
Refrigerated items, used daily, will gravitate toward the back of the refrigerator.
Your chances of being seen by someone you know dramatically increase if you drive your child to school in your robe and curlers.

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If anything can go wrong ….it will.
Anything dropped while working on a car will roll underneath to the exact center.
The chances of a piece of bread falling butter side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.
A $200.00 picture tube will protect a 10 cent fuse by blowing first.
As events transpire as a function of time, tend to move towards a higher state of entropy.
The worst or stupidest ideas are always the most popular.
In front of every silver lining, is a cloud.
Save yourself a lot of worry, don’t burn your bridges until you come to them.
Simple jobs will always be put off, because there will be time to do them later.
Never make a decision you can get someone else to make.
The person who pays the least, complains the most.
There is no time like the present for postponing what you want to do.
The more we complicate the plan, the greater the chance of failure.
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and hours are lost.