Where Did the Love Go?

A man and a woman are driving down the highway when another car passes them. The woman notices that the occupants of the other car are young and obviously in love. The girl is sitting very close to her boyfriend as they cruise on down the highway.

This causes the woman to think back when she and her husband were young and in love, and wondering where the show of affection had disappeared to over the years.

Finally she says to her husband, “Remember when we used to be like that young couple? Where did the love go, honey?”

Her question was met with a few moments of silence. Then he quietly replied, “I haven’t moved.”

If Tomorrow Starts Without Me

If tomorrow starts without me,
And I’m not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn’t cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things
We didn’t get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you’ll miss me too.
But if tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand.
He said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I’d have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I’d always thought,
I didn’t want to die. I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do.
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I’d say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven’s gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,

He said, “This is eternity,
And all I’ve promised you
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.
I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day’s the same way
There’s no longing for the past.
You have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times
You did some things
You knew you shouldn’t do.
But you have been forgiven
And now at last you’re free.
So won’t you come and take my hand
And share my life with me?”

So if tomorrow starts without me,
Don’t think we’re far apart.
For every time you think of me,
I’m right here, in your heart.

Dedicated to the memory of Terry Tabaldo
Friend, Father, Brother, Husband
September 15, 1950 – April 18, 2002

Kids on Love

Tips on love, all questions were answered by kids, age 5-10.

    “Eighty-four, Because at that age, you don’t have to work anymore, and you can spend all your time loving each other in your bedroom.” (Judy, 8)
    “Once I’m done with kindergarten, I’m going to find me a wife.” (Tom, 5)
    “On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.” (Mike, 10)
    “You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a big ring and her own VCR, ’cause she’ll want to have videos of the wedding.” (Jim, 10)
    “Never kiss in front of other people. It’s a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try
    it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours.” (Kally, 9)
    “It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them.” (Lynette, 9)
    “It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I’m just a kid. I don’t need that kind of trouble.” (Kenny, 7)
    “No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.” (Jan, 9)
    “I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.” (Harlen, 8)
    “Like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.” (Roger, 9)
    “If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long.” (Leo, 7)
    “If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.” (Jeanne, 8)
    “It isn’t always just how you look. Look at me. I’m handsome like anything and I haven’t got anybody to marry me yet.” (Gary, 7)
    “Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time.” (Christine, 9)
    “They want to make sure their rings don’t fall off because they paid good money for them.” (Dave, 8)
    “I’m in favor of love as long as it doesn’t happen when ‘The Simpsons’ is on television.” (Anita, 6)
    “Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.” (Bobby, 8)
    “I’m not rushing into being in love – I’m finding fourth grade hard enough.” (Regina, 10)
    “One of you should know how to write a check. Because, even if you have tons of love, there is still going to be a lot of bills.” (Ava, 8)
    “Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores.” (Del, 6)
    “Don’t do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might get attention, but attention ain’t the same thing as love.” (Alonzo, 9)
    “One way is to take the girl out to eat. Make sure it’s something she likes to eat. French fries usually works for me.” (Bart, 9)
    “Just see if the man picks up the check. That’s how you can tell if he’s in love.” (John, 9)
    “Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food will get cold. Other people care more about the food.” (Brad, 8)
    “It’s love if they order one of those desserts that are on fire. They like to order those because it’s just like how their hearts are on fire.” (Christine, 9)

Love Terms

  • Attraction
    the act of associating horniness with a particular person.
  • Love at First Sight
    what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.
  • Dating
    the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
  • Birth Control
    avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men or spending time around children.
  • Easy
    a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.
  • Prig
    a term used to describe a woman who wants to stay virgin until married.
  • Eye Contact
    a method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many woman have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman’s eyes are not located in her chest.
  • Friend
    a member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
  • Indifference
    a woman’s feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as “playing hard to get.”
  • Interesting
    a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.
  • Irritating Habit
    what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few weeks together.
  • Law of Relativity
    how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportional to how unattractive your date is.
  • Nymphomaniac
    a man’s term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.
  • Frigid
    a man’s term for a woman who wants to have sex less often than he does, or who requires more foreplay than lifting her nighty.
  • Sober
    condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.
  • Nag
    a man’s term for a woman who wants more to her life with him than just intercourse.

How to Say “I Love You” In Different Languages

  • English — I love you
  • Albanian — Une te dua
  • Arabic — Ana bhibbik
  • Catalan — Testimo molt
  • Chinese — Wo ai ni
  • Eskimo — Nagligivaget
  • Estonian — Ma armastan sind
  • Finnish — Minä rakastan sinua
  • French — Je t’aime
  • German — Ich liebe dich
  • Greek — S’agapo
  • Hawaiian — Aloha wau ia oe
  • Hebrew — Ani ohev otakh
  • Hopi — Nu’ umi unangwa’ta
  • Hungarian — Se ret lay
  • Irish — Thaim in grabh leat
  • Italian — Ti amo
  • Japanese — Ai shite imasu
  • Latvian — Es tevi milu
  • Macedonian — Te sakam
  • Maltese — Inhobbok
  • Norwegian — Jeg elsker deg
  • Pashto — Za tasara meena kawam
  • Persian — Duset daaram
  • Polish — Kocham cię
  • Romanian — Te iubesc
  • Russian — Ya lyublyu tyebya
  • Spanish — Te amo
  • Swedish — Jag alskar dig
  • Thai — Phom rak khun
  • Turkish — Seni seviyorum
  • Redneck — Nice Tits

I Love Her, But…

(A collection of men’s thoughts on their women.)

  • … she has an uncanny way of standing between me and the television screen. Bases loaded, two strikes, three balls. The crowd goes wild, the pitch flies, and all I can see is her butt.
    –Howard, Dodge City, Kan.
  • … she was furious when I got up early once and made her breakfast. Called me controlling. How dare I decide that she would eat breakfast, let alone what she’d have?
    –Ted, Wexford, Pa.
  • … what’s mine is hers. I buy her negligees; she sleeps in my T-shirts. When she’s cold she wears my wool socks to bed, never her own. She steals my half-used razors; new ones are too sharp. She even wears my boxers. I’m tempted to switch to briefs just to see what she’d do.
    –Dave, Martha’s Vineyard, Mass.
  • … she makes lists. Things to buy. Things to do. People to call. If it’s not on the list, it doesn’t get done. Once, to be funny, I put “sex” on the list. Mistake. Now it has to be on the list, or it doesn’t get done.
    –Nick, Wheeling, W.Va.
  • … you can hear her eat soup from the next room.
    –Bruce, Bridgewater, N.J.
  • … when she gets an idea in her head, there’s no stopping her. And no rest for anyone until it’s done. It’s not so bad when the idea is to bake cookies, or even to go on vacation. But when it’s to build a new house, or to get pregnant, things get pretty intense.
    –Jim, Minneapolis
  • … my wife thinks everyone should be a vegetarian. During meals, she asks people how they can eat dead cows, or if they know that their pork chops used to be smarter than their dogs.
    –Miles, Shreveport, La.
  • … every so often boom! she’s a brunette. Or I come home to a redhead. Actually, I have no idea what her natural color is.
    –Cary, Seattle
  • … she’ll brush her teeth but she won’t go to the dentist. She says she’s not afraid of the pain, she just doesn’t want to put herself in the hands of any fellow who’d choose to be a dentist.
    –Terence, Gary, Ind.
  • … she’s stopped shaving her legs. She says that now people will know she’s a natural blonde.
    –Ned, Tucson, Ariz.
  • … she takes her half of the bed out of the middle.
    -Robin, Gladwyne, Pa.
  • … have you ever seen a woman with green crust and slime smeared over her face, dark holes for her nostrils? Do you think you’d be able to sleep at night, knowing that creature is next to you?
    –Arthur, Cedar City, Utah
  • … my wife’s allergic to everything. Her nose is chronically stuffed. If I kissed her on the mouth, she’d suffocate.
    –Bryan, Toledo, Ohio
  • … after sex, I mean the second after, she continues where she left off. Her eyes open and before you can breathe, you hear, ” … and, oh, yeah, I have to defrost the chicken, and your mother wants you to pick up her dry cleaning …”
    –Jimmy, Fort Lauderdale, Fla.
  • … in bed I’m her high school teacher, captain of the football team, her boss, the bad boy, a waiter, a lifeguard, a telephone repairman, a cop. Once in a while I’d like to be me.
    –Neil, Orlando, Fla.
  • … she wears these false eyelashes. She left ’em lying around and I slammed ’em with my newspaper, tried to kill the damn things. Scared me half to death.
    –Gordon, Oklahoma City, Okla.
  • … she takes those soaps too seriously. I’ll come home and find her in tears because some character died. Or upset that some nonexistent guy’s having a fictional affair.
    –Archie, St. Louis
  • … she will not shop at discount stores or sales. She thinks they’re crowded and plebeian. She doesn’t even look at the reduced rack, other than, perhaps, for gifts for my mother.
    –Conrad, Wilmington, Del.
  • … it annoys her that our children look like me.
    –James, New Orleans
  • … counting my wife and our teenage girls, that’s four women. Somebody’s always got PMS.
    –Everett, Little Rock, Ark.
  • … with five kids, I don’t have time to complain about my wife. I don’t have time to notice her.
    –Bob, Charleston, W.Va.

Why Fishin’ is Better Than Makin’ Love

  • When you go fishin’ and you catch somethin,’ that’s good.
    If you’re making love and you catch somethin,’ that’s bad.
  • Fish don’t compare you to other fishermen neither.
    And don’t want to know how many other fish you caught.
  • In fishin’ you lie about the one that got away.
    In lovin’ you lie about the one you caught.
  • You can catch and release a fish, you don’t have to lie, and promise to still be friends after you let it go.
  • You don’t have to necessarily change your line to keep catching fish.
  • You can catch a fish on a 20-cent nightcrawler.
    If you want to catch a woman you’re talking dinner and a movie minimum.
  • Fish don’t mind if you fall asleep in the middle of fishin.’