The Good Old Days

People over 35 should be dead. Here’s why. According to today’s regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the 40’s, 50’s, 60’s, or even maybe the early 70’s probably shouldn’t have survived.

  • Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint.
  • We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets, …. and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. (Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking.)
  • As children, we would ride in cars with no seatbelts or air bags.
  • Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.
  • We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle. Horrors!
  • We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing.
  • We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.
  • We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
  • We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on.
  • No one was able to reach us all day. NO CELL PHONES!!!!!
  • We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound, personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet chat rooms.
  • We had friends! We went outside and found them.
  • We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball would really hurt.
  • We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
  • They were accidents. No one was to blame but us. Remember accidents?
  • We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it.
  • We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and ate worms, and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes, nor did the worms live inside us forever.
  • We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s home and knocked on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them.
  • Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment.
  • Some students weren’t as smart as others, so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade. Horrors!
  • Tests were not adjusted for any reason.
  • Our actions were our own.
  • Consequences were expected.
  • The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke a law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law. Imagine that!
  • This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers and problem solvers and inventors, ever.
  • The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
  • We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned how to deal with it all.

And you’re one of them!


Please pass this on to others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before lawyers and government regulated our lives, for our own good !!!!!

People under 30 are WIMPS!

Gator Diet

Two alligators are sitting on the edge of a swamp. The small one turns to the big one and says, “I don’t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We’re the same age, we were the same size as kids. I just don’t get it.”

“Well,” says the big alligator, “What have you been eating?”

“Lawyers, same as you,” replies the small alligator.

“Hm. Well, where do you catch’em?”

“Down at that law firm on the edge of the swamp.”

“Same here. Hm. How do you catch’em?”

“Well, I crawl under a BMW and wait for someone to unlock the door. Then I jump out, bite’em, shake the crap out of ’em, and eat ’em!”

“Ah!” says the big alligator, “I think I see your problem. See, by the time you get done shakin’ the crap out of a lawyer, there’s nothin’ left but lips and a briefcase.”

You’ve Been Out of College Too Long When…

  • Your potted plants stay alive.
  • You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
  • 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
  • You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
  • You carry an umbrella.
  • You watch the Weather Channel.
  • Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook-up and break-up.
  • You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
  • Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
  • You’re the one calling the police because those damn kids next door don’t know how to turn down the stereo.
  • Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
  • You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
  • Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
  • You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s.
  • Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.
  • You no longer take naps from noon to 6:00 PM.
  • Dinner and a movie – The whole date instead of the beginning of one.
  • MTV News is no longer your primary source of information.
  • You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.
  • A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “Pretty good stuff.”
  • You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
  • Grocery lists are longer than Macaroni & Cheese, Diet Pepsi, and Ho-Ho’s.
  • “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
  • Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
  • You don’t get liquored up at home, to save money, before going to a bar.

Signs That Ronald McDonald is Growing Up

  • No longer signs paychecks in crayon.
  • That new “Mr. Happy Meal.”
  • Distinctive odor of bourbon and stale cigars at personal appearances.
  • Two words: sagging buns.
  • Replacing floppy red shoes with floppy black wingtips.
  • Now offering “Happy Hour” Meals.
  • No longer asks women if they want to see his McNuggets.
  • Instead of size 46 shoe, now takes a size 62.
  • Gin has replaced make-up as his nose-reddener.
  • That telltale bottle of Clairol Fire Engine Red #4 in his shower.
  • Seen with Jack-in-the-Box at strip clubs stuffing fries down g-strings.
  • Three kids injured in unfortunate stubble incident.
  • Has a McBeergut.