The 100GB Bug

Experts warned today of a new and deadly threat to our beleaguered civilization: the 100GB bug. As most people know, McDonald’s restaurant signs show the number of hamburgers the giant chain has sold. That number now stands at 99 billion burgers, or 99 Gigaburgers (GB).

“Within months or even weeks, that number will roll over to 100GB. McDonald’s signs, however, were designed years ago, when the prospect of selling one hundred billion hamburgers seemed unthinkably remote.

So the signs have only two digits. This means that, after the sale of the 100 billionth burger, McDonald’s signs will read ’00 Billion Burgers Sold’. This, experts predict, will convince the public that, in over thirty years, no McDonald’s hamburgers have ever in fact been sold.

Millennium Bugs

It seems that computer programs are full of “bugs,” so named because that’s what many software engineers look like. And, the worst bug is the Y2K, which, if left unadressed, could result in the following calamities:

  • Bill Clinton might be constitutionally eligible to run for a third term.
  • AMC might bring back the Gremlin.
  • Airlines might accidentally install seats large enough for people to sit in.
  • Due to a crash in their phone systems, you could call a bank and wind up talking to a person instead of a recording.
  • As the ball drops on New Year’s Eve in Times Square in New York, it might get stuck, meaning Dick Clark would be on television forever.
  • Kenneth Starr would lose all of his data and have to start his investigation over from scratch.
  • Your VCR would stop blinking MIDNIGHT MIDNIGHT MIDNIGHT and start blinking NOON NOON NOON.
  • Tony Orlando might decide the time is right for a comeback.
  • KISS might start their final tour – again.
  • If you are one of those people who have trouble adjusting to Daylight Savings Time, imagine the headaches you’ll have to endure when we start the 1900’s all over again!