You Might Be A Physics Major If…

  • if you have no life – and you can PROVE it mathematically.
  • if you enjoy pain.
  • if you know vector calculus but you can’t remember how to do long division.
  • if you chuckle whenever anyone says “centrifugal force.”
  • if you’ve actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
  • if when you look in a mirror, you see a physics major.
  • if it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
  • if you frequently whistle the theme song to “MacGyver.”
  • if you always do homework on Friday nights.
  • if you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
  • if you think in “math.”
  • if you’ve calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
  • if you hesitate to look at something because you don’t want to break down its wave function.
  • if you have a pet named after a scientist.
  • if you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
  • if the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger’s Cat experiment.
  • if you can translate English into Binary.
  • if you can’t remember what’s behind the door in the science building which says “Exit.”
  • if you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there’s a wind-chill factor in the lab.
  • If you are completely addicted to caffeine.
  • if you avoid doing anything because you don’t want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.
  • if you consider ANY non-science course “easy.”
  • if when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
  • if the “fun” center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
  • if you’ll assume that a “horse” is a “sphere” in order to make the math easier.
  • if you understood more than five of these indicators.
  • if you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.